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what the heck IS normal anyway?

I was thinking about my situation last evening. There is no known cure for what I have and if I am, as I am starting to suspect, a type IV transsexual (according to the Benjamin scale) that puts me in a precarious situation; but one which I am trying to work out within the confines of my present reality.

This means no hormones and no surgical intervention of any kind.

But then I thought about what becoming “normal” would really mean for me. Type V and VI would get surgery and live out their lives as normal women (hopefully in stealth). Types 1 and 2 could hopefully get by with their cross gender expression and go back to happily feeling like (at least somewhat) normal men.

With type III and IV thinks get a little murkier.

In order to be normal this would presumably mean that I would no longer have a need to express any cross gender behaviour, ie. no more dressing up and no more pretending to be a woman in public.

But who gets to decide what normal is? There are so many variations in society and so many people with all sorts of individual realities.

It made me realize that what I had been mostly suffering from was the stigma of not measuring up to some ideal standard of normal.

Well guess what? Not a lot of normal out there and everyone has a story.

I just have to hunker down and find a routine that can work for me; one where I can still be a faithful partner and a father and employee and that’s it. Once you’re free of guilt and can see clearly it just comes down to scheduling and balancing your life.

Whether N and I can successfully find a way as a couple remains to be seen. For one thing, she cannot live in a situation where my kids are living with me and I will never close the door to them. This means that if one or both needs to stay with me during their college years my door will always be open.

I am not enamoured of her pet situation with a geriatric cat and a dog with some behavioural problems.

So the only way would be to live apart and truth be told that is not the worst thing that could happen. So let's see what the future holds.

Normal indeed....

Comments

  1. Joanna,
    As we go through life we are faced with a series of constantly changing realities and priorities. Some cannot be ignored. You need to earn a living. You owe that to yourself and to your family.
    You need to keep the door open with your children. You need to do the best you can with your relationships with others.
    Several of my friends who are divorced and seeing other women have found that the separate living quarters solves a lot of issues.
    Good luck
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. Noymal is over rated. Smart people are abnormal. so are people with blue eyes. Every one of those over-paid top drawer athletes are abnormal, and so is anybody with an IQ over 120 or below 80, blue eyes or are left handed. Caucasians in China are abnormal,

    "Normal" is an arbitrary description of those members of a population that fall within one standard deviation of the 'norm' The 'norm' is just that condition where half the population is on one side and rest is on the other the other.

    Talented people are abnormal, just as handicapped people are. Enjoy your privilege. Use it to do some good in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pat and AQV thanks. I am happy to fall outside of the norm...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think realizing that there is a multitude of possible variations and that whatever variation we have is part of the normal distribution does a lot to relieve the dysphoria and guilt. Or at least it helped me. It made me realize that I'm not special or being picked on.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That is very true Lindsay because for the longest time I focused heavily on how abnormal it was for a male to fo what instead of focusing on what's normal for a person with disphoria like me. Makes a huge difference.

    ReplyDelete

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