I can now interweave my outings and simply have them be part of my everyday life without fanfare or hoopla. They have also started to be less complicated and I drive far less than I used to.
In the past, I would have driven to some mall to ensure more anonymity but now I am content to stay close to home and go into a coffee house or even a McDonald’s and simply sit down with my tablet and browse the web or write this blog.
I am spending less time questioning and more time living which is a big improvement because no amount of conjecture will solve the riddle which is my gender disphoria. Besides, I don’t need to justify myself to anyone save my children and my partner; all of whom understand that, for better or worse, this is part of my nature and always will be.
The next issue at hand is my son’s anxiety which will be front and center as the new school year begins.
We are certainly better prepared for it than we were and all the measures are in place to try and help him. The school is more aware of this epidemic which now affects one in four adolescents. It’s difficult to comprehend how this could have happened but I chalk it up to a combination of the faster lifestyle we live today coupled with the coddling we have given these children. In an attempt to give them better quality of life, we have perhaps shielded them too much from the realities of life and they more readily buckle under the weight of immersion into the societal cruelty that is high school.
The raging hormones coupled with attempts at defining yourself within that pecking order cannot be easy and I try to remind myself of this every time I am tempted to give my son advice on how to handle things.
My daughter, who is almost two years older, has already found her stride even as she also stumbles here and there. I am there for her too but she has established herself in the school life and has a stronger sense of who she is than does my son. She needs me less than he does.
There is certainly a loss of control one experiences when this happens because, unlike a physical injury, these types of situations leave you feeling helpless at times. You talk to them but sometimes nothing seems to help and you are left scratching your head.
As a person who has always tried to exert control over my own life, I have learnt much about myself and my limits in the process of dealing with this latest challenge.