Skip to main content

beware of snake oil cures....

I used to read up on that elusive cure for crossdressing and honestly and diligently follow the advice that was prescribed.

Of course this was during the time that I actually believed that I was indeed a crossdresser. Dressing a few times a year did not really qualify.

I was instead looking for a way to cure my gender disphoria.

That feeling that somehow I needed to be female was never really too far from the surface. People who write these stop crossdressing pages are often fetishists who indulge in their fantasies and perhaps take countless pictures in a miriad of outfits.

They are sexually addicted to something and then reach an addiction level which eventually promots them to act and try to go cold turkey. Often these kids started in their mother's closet at or after the age of puberty.

My case was a little different and my disphoria has been with me from earliest memory. My crossdressing manifested itself very early and then went underground once it was discouraged. But after puberty and with signs of embarrassing eroticism, I did my very best to quash everything and bury it under the proverbial carpet.

Do I consider myself a paraphilic or a fetishist as per Ray Blanchard's theory? Absolutely not. Not only do his ideas not speak to my personal experience but I don't subscribe to the notion that toddlers can develop paraphilias. Anne Lawrence can believe what she likes.

But nonetheless, these websites disturb me because young gender disphorics can easily fall prey to the idea that they can cure their "vice" through suppression when nothing could be further from the truth. There is no known cure for gender disphoria and, speaking as someone who couldn't have tried any harder to eradicate mine, suppression is not a successful management tool as it will lead to depression.

Your failed attempts at suppressing something which, for you,is hard wired and natural will only lead to disappointment and frustration when you fail to defeat it.

It took me decades to understand this and my heart goes out to young kids who are still in search of who they are.

Comments

  1. Great post. I totally agree that suppression is bad for anyone with gender dysphoria. I think its probable that anyone suffering from GD does not have a paraphilia.

    Maybe the only permanent cure for GD is SRS. In lieu of that the best we can do is to try to minimize it.

    Lindsay

    ReplyDelete
  2. I do not think SRS is the cure for GD. I think that GD can be managed depending on the degree of GD in much the same way that other physical and mental conditions can be managed.
    In my case and perhaps yours just being able to present a feminine expression from time to time without regard to guilt, or fear, or dishonesty and to be accepted in our feminine presentations goes a long way towards calming GD.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  3. Srs may cure it but potentially introduce a whole new series of problems if you are not a full blown transsexual. I think having the right management strategy is the way to go...

    ReplyDelete
  4. "I actually believed that I was indeed a crossdresser. Dressing a few times a year did not really qualify"

    So there is a minimum times per year that qualifies one as a crossdresser?

    "I think its probable that anyone suffering from GD does not have a paraphilia.
    Maybe the only permanent cure for GD is SRS"

    Hmmm....So anybody that suffers from GD does not have a paraphilia and the only cure for GD is SRS. Hmmm.....

    "In my case and perhaps yours just being able to present a feminine expression from time to time without regard to guilt, or fear, or dishonesty and to be accepted in our feminine presentations goes a long way towards calming GD."

    So cross-dressing actually helps manage the dysphoria, but we can't call it cross-dressing because that sounds too much like a compulsive paraphilia.. So we call it " a feminine expression"., because calling it that sounds better and helps to absolve the cross-dresser of their guilt and shame. Yet if you do not cross-dress, I mean engage in 'feminine expression', then your head might explode.

    Hmmm...

    Lindsay is right. Those of us who do not suffer from GD just do not understand how mixing and matching the words helps any more than mixing and matching one's wardrobe. Sorry....

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK. I give up.

    http://www.edgeprovidence.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=147847

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't need to convince you of anything AQV. Pat and Lindsay understand what I am trying to say. I did not make any refetences to you in these entries now did I? I don't always understand why you must always feel compelled to comment in such a way that somehow shows you feel threatened and no I don't believe that you can be born with a paraphilia sorry nor develop it at a ridiculously young age.

    As to the crossdressing you will note that many people with disphoria including many transsexuals went through periods of crossdressing but were not crossdressers per se. Do I think the frequency and intent are relevant? Most definitely. But I don't need to convince you I just need to be at a good management place which I am getting ever closer to.

    ReplyDelete
  7. No I do call it crossdressing because that is how I manage my disphoria. I have no problem with that. Did I introduce my disphoria into my life? Most definitely not.

    I have to do what I have to do to manage something I did not ask for which has always been the main topic of this blog.

    Would I crossdress if I did not have disphoria? You have been reading my blog long enough to know the answer to that but in needing to do so I will no longer feel bad about it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree. No need to convince me.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…