My previous method was to cave in to my disphoria by indulging it and then tossing everything out. I now know this is an abject failure as a management tool.
What needs to happen is that I keep Joanna time a part of my life routine pure and simple and, since I don’t need to worry about guilt any longer, the schizophrenic indulge and purge cycles will be a thing of the past.
Yesterday after work I got dressed, went to the hardware store to get a few things for N’s dishwasher installation and ended my outing with a short trip to MacDonald’s for a strawberry milk shake and a sit down with my android tablet. It was pleasant and yet it was short and, because my frequency and extreme comfort is there, I can draw from the positive energy that it provides me as never before.
I cannot overstate what a difference the last year of reflection has done for me. It has literally saved my life because I have been able to take some ownership of my disphoria instead of allowing it to run amok in my life.
On another note, I read on the rationalwiki the following entry on Autogynephilia:
“...This leads to the biggest criticism from a scientific standpoint, in that the theory is speciously unfalsifiable. While at first, it seems like it would be possible to find a transsexual who is attracted to women, but does not erotically fantasize about having Lady Parts; the theory invites one to beg the question, and take it as fact that one is simply lying about not having such fetishes, because being attracted to women would mean you have autogynephilia, and thus be a pervert.
Entirely apart from being unfalsifiable, the "autogynephilia" label is used derogatorily to separate the "genuine" transsexuals from the "fake" transsexuals, a practice that has been around pretty much as long as transsexuals have ever been around, in order to denigrate undesirable transsexuals. This works within the theory, because the autogynephilia group is based on exclusionary criteria, so nearly anything can be used against a transsexual in order to castigate them from the "genuine" transsexuals into the designation of "autogynephilia". While it is obvious within the theory that even a single passing interest in a woman would "disqualify" one as "genuine", it is less apparent — because it's implicit in the categorization process — that even simply not looking feminine enough can be used to cast doubt upon the transsexual's actual motivations for transitioning.
Worse so, when any transsexual denies having any erotic fetishes about themselves, then this is used as conclusive evidence to show that they indeed actually are autogynephilic, because only an autogynephilic would lie about this. A wonderful catch 22 for anyone suspected of autogynephilia... which of course, could be any transsexual.
And finally at the tail end of all of this criticism, is that even the "genuine transsexuals", are labeled by the theory as if they were men. This allows proponents for the theory that are against homosexuals to dismiss all transsexuals very simply, either they're perverts or they are homos. None of them are allowed to be considered genuinely female, despite neurobiological indications to the contrary.
Autogynephilia, while being entirely unscientific as a theory, still has a use in describing a limited subset of transsexuals. There most definitely are people for whom autogynephilic is reasonably descriptive. But attempting, as this theory posits, to apply this broadly upon individuals as a catch all when they fail to match your expectations of what a genuinely transsexual person would be, is a most inappropriate application of reason....”
It is such an abomination as a theory and it bears repeating that, since I have removed myself from its trappings, I can now look at this as complete junk science that will one day be in a museum of absurdities along with frontal lobotomies as a cure for what ails you.
Not content with simply being a stupid and mean spirited theory, it also refuses to touch on the existence of FTM transsexuals; thereby completely failing the test of true science.