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yes I enjoy being a girl but....

......being Joanna is only part of that life.

I've come to realize that as I have come to embrace fully who I am, I don't need to choose to become female to enjoy basking in my own expression of femininity. It is part of my make up and that acceptance has been pivotal in making me feel whole.

Can I say that my cross gender expression will eliminate my gender disphoria? In a sense yes because by allowing myself the dignity to be who I am, I can remove a great deal of the confusion and the shame that was associated with my desire to dress as a female.

It is indeed my life, and I intend to take full ownership of it. It does indeed feel like I have a new lease on it and it's allowing me to better cope with challenges like my son's anxiety.

Comments

  1. I sense that you are moving in a good direction. You have acknowledged your dual gendered nature and you have taken steps to divide your time between both gender expressions thereby allowing you to experience the best of both worlds.
    Pat

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  2. I feel I am closer but one step remains: balance. I need to find balance.

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  3. Maybe the balance point won't be stationary... What if one half demands more attention to be happy? Not that it will, but something to be prepared for.

    Lindsay

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    Replies
    1. Lindsay i know that feeling as the fem soul keeps pushing a little bit more and more as time goes on. first it was getting the ears pierced.(the fem side pushed until there was no choice but to get them pierced) now the fem side comes down to breakfast (with dad) with a wig and for a long time now in summer a chemise and satin robe and in winter a flannel lined satin night gown and fluffy warm robe.
      the fem side had an agreement or so the male side thought that it would be 50/50 but she keeps pushing and nudging she knows that if she takes over she will have "killed off" the male side and although she agreed... that doesn't stop her from nudging *sigh*
      it's sort of like chocolate several pieces are never enough LOL so Lindsy is correct in that thought did occur to me as well and that is also why i came out to most people around me. as the fem side nudges i don't have to hide in the shadows any more.
      i also have kept a had written journal for me to see how much time has been spent as diana several years ago as i started coming out it was about 3/4 of the year but now i don't push myself and in just going with the flow of whats planned for the day it is actually only about 1/4 - 1/3 of the year while out and about doing errands ect. but that doesn't include the nighty's which several years ago become all year 100% of the time.
      ether way i no longer let it worry or concern me as the whole world is constantly evolving ( even those who are not transgendered).

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    2. You are right Lindsay in that its not a stationary thing. For me its making sure that Joanna does not run my life so I can continue to fulfill my male role for my children...

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  4. I am trying to balance both sides as best I can. Once you stop the guilt purge cycle I find this to be a big challenge because your female side wants more and more. I am finding that if I focus s little more on my male presentation then that side gets a boost too. I have stopped buying things for Joanna and am now focusing a little more on the male me. Arriving at a balance point does not mean you won't have periods when one of the two halves predominates. I think the trick is just to let it happen without beating yourself up over it.

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