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I feel pretty good

Marian had a blog entry recently where she discussed arriving at a point of feeling "normal" presenting as a woman.

Well after living part time for over a year I can definitely say that I am there. There isn't the slightest hint of self conciousness present and I am simply enjoying the experience to the fullest of simply being myself.

It took long enough to get here, but now that I am it feels right. There is no better way to describe the feeling; it simply feels right.

Lives don't get erased and given where I am in mine I think I have chosen the only solution possible; namely to continue to feed that part of my soul that's always needed to be fed instead of starved.

At least it feels like I have a choice and thank God for it. Were my disphoria to be worse, I might have tipped into the type V category and then be compelled to transition just to retain my mental health.

As it stands now, I think I'm going to make it this way and as the days and months go by, I am feeling more reassured that things won't get worse.

I feel so completely at peace as Joanna and, truth be told, if I were forced into transition by some external imaginary circumstance, it wouldn't be the hardest thing in the world to get used. Not many males on this planet would find that option palatable but then I am not a normal male.

That incredible comfort and that inner joy of just being able to attend Mass, grocery shop or have a coffee with a friend as Joanna has given me a new lease on life. There is no longer fear, shame or embarassment to be who I am and it is beyond liberating to be able to feel this way.

On another note, my son was able to attend his entire first day of class which brought a ray of hope to my heart that we might finally be turning the corner on his anxiety. All I can say to that is Amen and Hallelujah

Comments

  1. Joanna, thanks for sharing the sense of comfort and joy you've found.

    I love this sentence "There is no longer fear, shame or embarassment to be who I am and it is beyond liberating to be able to feel this way." That's wonderful.

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  2. Thsnk you for your very kind comment Linda Marie.

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  3. Glad to hear that you are finally finding your peace

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