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On flatter ground

I met Sabrina this past Sunday morning after Mass and she was so happy to see me. She had been having some problems with her mother and so she went to live with her father for several weeks. Her life was in a bit of flux for a while but finally things were falling back into place.

I did not have a lot of time since I wanted to see N for noon but we managed to chat for about 45 minutes.

Sabrina told me that she recently got a new job working at another Starbucks less than 1 km from the one in which we first met.

You might recall that we originally met at the Starbucks I frequent after Mass and we would banter as she prepared my espresso. Since leaving her employment there, we have met several times for coffee and she has advised me in how to deal with my son and given me confidence since she surmounted her anxiety in spite of her parents being not particularly helpful due to their being focused on their own miseries.

The interesting for me in all this is how much a real experience this has been; the ability to be myself and almost forget that I am presenting as Joanna. I have been advising this girl as an older person with more experience and she has been advising me on dealing with an anxious teen. All the while I have been basking in that positive energy that I draw from when I allow the Joanna part of my soul to be free.

The positive in all of this has been a corresponding waning of my disphoria which allows me to be able to function in life as a much happier male.

This is all I have ever required. I knew it as a child but was forced to unlearn it; so simple and yet so incredibly complex all at the same time.

But to get to where I am now I had to remove layers of dogmatic and societal programming and my own misplaced culpability; no easy task.

It was uphill all the way for the longest time, but my how much better it feels to be able to walk on flatter ground.


  1. Reflecting back on the entry about "Why not just keep a journal", this post seems to be a nice blend of a diary/journal entry and analysis. It could have stood as either. You could have given a full description of your Sunday adventure starting from your choice of attire, the impact that attending services as Joanna had on you, any comments from Sabrina about Joanna and how you presented.
    By the same token a simple discussion between you and Sabrina about her issues and yours could have stood along as a blog post.
    As for me I like the blended approach. That may just be my approach to much of my crossdressing. I know that passing may be a bit above my level so my goal when I am out and about is to blend.

  2. I thought about your comment Pat when I wrote this post. I guess it can't be only about analysis all the time but conversely as much as I love Stana's blog dont look for me to become like femulate LOL!


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