I have been able to convert my female identity into a known person and establish contacts to remove the loneliness of doing this on my own.
I don't blame N one bit for not wanting to participate but by having chats with merchants and coffee with my acquaintances, I have eliminated the problem of needing to find other transgender people to do things with.
Don't get me wrong in that I would welcome the overlap but I just haven't found the right match close to home.
Keeping these worlds separate is saving my life and I feel energized and invigorated. I can breathe without the guilt that was strangling me.
N need not fear about anything because what I am doing is essentially tame. I love her and no one else but the overlap with these women has been a Godsend. It's helped erase my need to keep mulling over transition and given Joanna a more concrete constitution.
I do feel the progression over the last year and a half and I can scarcely believe that I got to where I am.