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We've come a long way...

I am a biological male and intend to stay that way for the rest of my life. That has always been my aim and this blog was started only to examine why, since a very young age, I have been drawn to the idea of being female and expressing myself as such.

In the process I have sought and received feedback from other disphorics in order to encourage an open dialogue. It has been a wonderful learning experience.

If transition was ever weighed it was in the spirit of trying to understand if that might not be the best solution for a person like me. I now know that it is not.

Whether my own disphoria is caused by exposure to EDC’s prenatally and/or sociological factors is now irrelevant.

What remains now is the intellectual curiosity of what are the likely causes of gender disphoria in general and how it should best be treated.

A few posts ago, I featured an excerpt from an article that discussed the accommodation approach versus the reparative. The former approach would involve respecting the inclinations of the child towards their preferred gender while the latter would attempt to have them adjust to their birth gender.

One consensus of the article was that there is no one size fits all approach and each case should be treated individually; another is that most experts (including the reparative Dr. Zucker) agree that once gender disphoria carries over into adulthood it is there to stay.

I am in that latter situation but I have found a way to cope. Would the technique I am using now have worked back when I was in my teens? Well it did but I scarcely permitted myself to employ it because I thought I had to eradicate all traces of my inclination towards gender variance.

Might I have benefited from the reparative approach when I was a child? Possibly yes.

We don’t live in Samoa or Thailand but I do think that more tolerance of gender variance in our society is part of the answer for people like me. The progress we have made in my own lifetime astounds me and I can scarcely imagine what another 25 years will bring.

We need to remember that it’s not like this is disease that is contagious. People who exhibit gender variance represent a tiny sliver of the population and an even smaller percentage than that of homosexuals in society.

But I am not seeking special rights since crossdressing is not against the law where I live. In fact I am just happy being able to publicly express myself in the way I do whether people know I am a male or not. It no longer matters to me because the fear of discovery is no longer there.

I see the change most in the young generation. They impress me and the treatment I have received at their hands at makeup counters and coffee shops and dress shops when I wasn’t quite passing as well as I do now has been nothing short of astounding.

We have indeed come a long way.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…