Skip to main content

The road to fulfillment

Gender identity might be more about what’s between our ears than anything else. Yes, biology determines birth sex but it appears that much of what we consider gender identity varies from person to person with the acceptability of certain types of behaviour hinging on the cultural norms of the period. In other words, people are as feminine or masculine as they feel and the degree to which they deviate from the accepted norm for their time and place, will determine their punishment or reward.

There are very masculine women and very feminine men and we have all known or met at least one such person in our lifetime. Most of these people are comfortable with their birth sex. The reason why others are not still remains a mystery.

I have sometimes wondered what the world might be like if people were allowed to express themselves freely and choose a manner of gender presentation that fit their internal image of themselves. Would the sometimes erratic and schizophrenic behaviour experienced by many gender confused individuals be eliminated if they were permitted to fully realize themselves in childhood? Might some transitions be avoided? Might some happen sooner?

Perhaps yes but I don’t have a definite answer to that question.

I have read countless upon countless accounts of people who exhibited atypical gender behaviour and ambiguity early in childhood who were met with derision and chastisement; many of these stories mirror my own. The response of the child was most often rooted in trying to eradicate, suppress or hide this behaviour in order to conform. However, this invariably came at high cost and the subsequent efforts to undo years of harm often meant the end of marriages and family relationships at a later stage in life.

By the time the individual became self realized an entire lifetime may have been consumed in trying to become who they truly were.

Everyone deserves to be happy and to have their internal image of themselves recognized and accepted by their family and peers but breaking gender norms is still a significant taboo in many if not most cultures.

The world is changing and it is easier today than when I was a child but there is still much work to be done. I have taken the hard road to self fulfillment and would like to hope that others can be spared this path since much of it should be entirely avoidable. It all seems so ridiculous and anticlimactic to me now, but for the longest time it was a complicated riddle which I needed to solve.

It’s all about giving yourself the freedom and permission to be who you are – and that is as simple or as complicated as you allow it to be.

One of the main reasons this blog continues to exist is to offer encouragement to others who are still on their own path and trying to figure things out.

Comments

  1. I am glad that you are realizing that your blog serves the purpose or providing support, encouragement and understanding to others. I am glad to see you back on the regular blog scene.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am glad you think so Pat. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…