Skip to main content

Hidden

There is no simple way to tell because you do not understand it yourself. You have no idea why you want to dress up in women’s clothes so how can you explain it to someone else?

Are you gay? Do you want to be a woman? The inevitable questions come up and you answer them in the best way you know how but there is no perfect answer as you try and verbalize the unexplainable.

You are at odds with your sexual orientation and want to somehow emulate what you love. It all makes no sense but that is the beauty of gender expression and human sexuality; there is almost every variation under the sun and you are simply one of those variations; strange as it may be.

Consider however, that there is no formula under which you can come out ahead if you think that keeping your spouse means you need to suppress who you are. Eventually you will become supremely frustrated and depressed.

If she needs to divorce you because you crossdress maybe she is not the person you should be with.

It’s true that most women would have nothing to do with a crossdressing male and if they had their druthers the entire thing would go away. Most accepting partners do so hesitatingly and would prefer not to be involved if at all possible.

But even if for many the wearing of clothing of the opposite gender is tantamount to committing a cardinal sin, you are doing nothing wrong. You are doing what your psyche demands of you.

For N and I, this has meant that she has had to accept that this aspect forms part of the package. She has no trouble accepting it intellectually but viscerally it is still not a simple thing to digest.

To anyone facing wanting or needing to tell and not knowing how I would simply say to start as delicately, slowly and honestly as possible. Hiding this important part of your makeup will only lead to bigger problems down the road.

I know because I’ve been there.

Hiding encourages guilt and shame and produces stress which is worse than the original sin of crossdressing. Better tell her from the beginning and risk rejection at the outset than end up divorced down the line.

The freedom that comes with being open is worth much more than money to me. It means everything.

I should have done it much sooner but better late than never.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…