Skip to main content

Prejudice

The writer and post-operative transsexual Jennifer Boylan has a page on a website I used to frequent called “PinkEssense”.

What I find odd is that while she describes herself as a “post-operative transsexual” she details the following individuals in her “I am not interested in” field of her page: “Cross Dressers, Sissies, Fetishes, Post-Op Transsexuals, Non-op Transgenders, Pre-Op Transgenders”

It gives the impression that while she understands where she came from and what she is, she no longer wants anything to do with the transgender community. Perhaps I am wrong here but that is the distinct impression it left with me.

I know I have been guilty of the same at times because in my early outreach period of my life; back when I was trying to find people like myself to meet and discuss with I was left with the distinct feeling that it was going to be hard to find a kindred spirit.

It was not an automatic thing that because you shared a history of crossdressing and/or gender confusion that you were going to become great friends and my meetings with various individuals led to, at most, three or four meetings before we ended contact.

It’s funny because whether you are a stealth transsexual or a crossdresser one common link seems to be that neither one wants others to know who they really are or were. One wants to hide their previous history as a male while the other is embarrassed by their dressing activity being made public to those who would not understand or find such a thing abhorrent.

I don’t blame either individual for doing something to protect themselves and their families but neither does a service to advance the cause of education and understanding among society at large.

Another regrettable aspect of our community is that while we are afraid of those outside, we are also deeply divided and prejudiced towards others based on who is more genuine and more real. Crossdressers, for example, need not apply.

I think an openness of spirit and a genuine desire to get to know the real person before us is what is required. The transsexual can befriend the crossdresser and agree to a relationship based on their common humanity. The transgender and non-transgender can and should do the same.

If Jennifer Boylan meant something else then I apologize for my inference but if I am right then perhaps a change of spirit and attitude might be required.
It makes no sense to me that people who have suffered gender identity issues at any level should discriminate against each other based on where they are on the gender spectrum. There is enough prejudice in this world to begin with and those of us who have suffered because of this issue should know better.

I am trying to be as out as possible in my life and that has helped me feel better about myself and, in so doing, feel more compassion for others who have their own crosses to bear.

I am not surprised by prejudice because I have seen it all my life and have witnessed its effects on people who have been discriminated against based on colour, creed, skin colour, orientation, height, weight, etc.

If you stand out you are a target but the best defence is to ignore the madding crowd and be yourself while at the same time being compassionate and understanding towards others.

This is often a very hard thing to do it seems but it’s also the right thing.

Comments

  1. Hi Joanna,

    I know what you mean. It seems like Jennifer would like to be considered a real woman now. If she wants to avoid contact with the trans community she shouldn't identify herself as a post-operative transsexual and just go with woman. But then nobody would read her blog. It's hard not to draw the conclusion that she's just doing it to be spiteful.

    Lindsay

    ReplyDelete
  2. that is correct Lindsay. I find this way of thinking very odd...

    ReplyDelete
  3. maybe lindsey meant in a romantic manner; the reason i'm thinking this is the fact that i've frequented various chat sites just to commune with others of the LGBT community and there are always people there attempting to pick up someone in the room to fullfill their fantasies. it does get annoying getting unwanted attention from people like that. the room informs these people that it isn't that type of site and usually they leave us be to gossip and discuss matters of the room.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Interesting post, Joanna. I know and have met, face-to-face, at least a couple hundred who identify as either CD or TS. While I identify as TS, I hold no disregard towards my friends in the CD community. Indeed, for most of us there's a period when we're not sure just where we are in the spectrum and being around others helps you to better understand yourself.

    I have several friends who have transitioned. Most of them began their journey by joining transgender groups and all who did learned much from their CD sisters. It's interesting to see the crossdressers help their transsexual sisters take their first steps into the outside world by assisting with clothing, giving them confidence, etc.

    Once the transsexuals complete their transition, they go off to live their own lives and most do want to be as stealth as possible. I get it. And, therein lies the dilemma for someone who has completed her or his transition: They don't want to hang with their en-femme CD pals because they feel they will be clocked. They don't want to hurt them, but most crossdressers simply do not pass because they haven't had the surgeries, hair removal, etc.

    It's a hard choice for the fully transitioned woman, now out on her own. These good people who helped her so much when she was beginning her transition can actually hurt her now, just be being around her.

    I haven't transitioned, but I've learned so much from my crossdressing and transsexual friends. I do think that Jennifer's "I'm not interested in" comment may be taken out of context but, as Lindsay says, why does she bother blogging to the transgender community when she should just get on with her life and leave the past behind?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Exactly Calie! Its almost like still being involved but looking down instead of appreciating that some of us crossdressers might be more or somewhere in between CD and TS....I think the best approach is to realize that each of us has reasons to do what we do and there is no hierarchy in place here. We are all human beings and that's enough....thanks for your feedback

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…