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Self Love....

You are a wonderful person.

This is something you should repeat to yourself as you pass through those moments of self deprecation and self judgement that we go through; many of us perhaps daily.

To this day I sometimes fall prey to it when I think that by being out as Joanna I am doing someone else a disservice. My children or my partner should not be exposed to this and you are being selfish – I tell myself sometimes.

But am I?

I made no such choice to be the way I am and dealing with that pull and managing it requires energy, patience and self forgiveness.

As transgender people we represent our own worst enemies because we have swallowed the messages of the outside world and are fighting against those ingrained prejudices.

When I am out in the world and the odd person gives me a quizzical stare, I always remember to stare right back to send a visual queue that I have as much a right to exist as they do. This person knows nothing about you and yet chooses to judge based on their own preconceived notion of what should be acceptable or normal.

So when you are out there, be proud and stand tall. Be yourself and show people that being transgendered does not make you a monster or a freak.

I have found that when I turned the page on how I saw myself is when the world started seeing me more positively and more respectfully.

Is everyone going to feel this way? Of course not but you need to live an honest life and that life belongs to you and you alone. No one else can live it for you.

You are a wonderful person


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"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…