When I was very young I saw myself as neither male nor female and I did what came naturally to me. This included dressing in my mother’s shoes and clothes.
I have sometimes wondered how much the effects of being socialised as male have played in my adopting a male role and doing what is expected of me for my gender.
Had I been raised in a gender neutral environment might I have adopted a more androgynous or even feminine demeanour?
I cannot answer that.
I do feel that once we are cemented into customs we become less malleable and eventually our behaviour becomes more habitual. We have not learned how to behave as women in public.
I spent many years repressing feminine traits that I naturally possessed for fear of ridicule. Now when out as Joanna I freely express those tendencies but it took me a long time to allow myself the dignity to exhibit the required comportment, voice and mannerisms that would allow me to blend in as a woman in public.
Even if I am fine with viewing myself as a gender variant male, I am sometimes fascinated with figuring out how much of our gender behaviour is driven by nurture and how much by nature.