Skip to main content

a passing anxiety

I define passing anxiety as the dread that we experience when out in public. It is a fear that keeps us tense and worried that we won't escape detection.. It saps your positive energy and keeps you constantly in doubt.

It is a fear I experienced many many times in the past.

The fear of ridicule, of laughter and of derision by a public that does not understand us; why in our right mind we would venture out in public dressed as women baffles and confuses them.

So we reinforce their trepidation by looking nervous, fidgety and overly serious when out in public. No matter how presentable and well dressed we are, that fear percolates to the surface succeeding in destroying the efforts we have made to blend into the background.

I have no illusions that I always pass. Sometimes I pass for a woman, sometimes for a transsexual and sometimes am clocked as a cross dressed male.

It matters not one whit to me and because of this liberation I have attained. I have succeeded in becoming my own person and can now present myself in the way I feel comfortable. This is a major personal victory for me.

Everyone has his or her own objectives in tackling their dysphoria and when you attain that objective it's a panacea for all that ails the mind around this issue.

No matter what your goal is, I urge you to deal with it honestly and without fear of public ridicule for I have found that the greater your personal comfort in your own skin the greater the likelihood that you will be accepted at face value and at least gain respect for being who you are.

I used to care what people thought and it was sapping my energy. This burden of secrecy I had to carry permeated every aspect of my life and stunted my personal growth. I was angry at the world when I should have been angry with myself for letting the world and its whims wield such power over me.

My saving grace was self acceptance and self love for my person exactly as I was created.

People may not understand or even relate to you but they will see a well adjusted soul in front of them. They will hopefully see the real person that resides inside.



Comments

  1. Self acceptance provides strength to be who you need to be. You are able to lead a life that works for you rather than depriving yourself of that freedom. It is powerful to be out and about and not giving the odd look that you may get from someone the power to control you and your emotions.
    Pat

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…