Skip to main content

a passing anxiety

I define passing anxiety as the dread that we experience when out in public. It is a fear that keeps us tense and worried that we won't escape detection.. It saps your positive energy and keeps you constantly in doubt.

It is a fear I experienced many many times in the past.

The fear of ridicule, of laughter and of derision by a public that does not understand us; why in our right mind we would venture out in public dressed as women baffles and confuses them.

So we reinforce their trepidation by looking nervous, fidgety and overly serious when out in public. No matter how presentable and well dressed we are, that fear percolates to the surface succeeding in destroying the efforts we have made to blend into the background.

I have no illusions that I always pass. Sometimes I pass for a woman, sometimes for a transsexual and sometimes am clocked as a cross dressed male.

It matters not one whit to me and because of this liberation I have attained. I have succeeded in becoming my own person and can now present myself in the way I feel comfortable. This is a major personal victory for me.

Everyone has his or her own objectives in tackling their dysphoria and when you attain that objective it's a panacea for all that ails the mind around this issue.

No matter what your goal is, I urge you to deal with it honestly and without fear of public ridicule for I have found that the greater your personal comfort in your own skin the greater the likelihood that you will be accepted at face value and at least gain respect for being who you are.

I used to care what people thought and it was sapping my energy. This burden of secrecy I had to carry permeated every aspect of my life and stunted my personal growth. I was angry at the world when I should have been angry with myself for letting the world and its whims wield such power over me.

My saving grace was self acceptance and self love for my person exactly as I was created.

People may not understand or even relate to you but they will see a well adjusted soul in front of them. They will hopefully see the real person that resides inside.


  1. Self acceptance provides strength to be who you need to be. You are able to lead a life that works for you rather than depriving yourself of that freedom. It is powerful to be out and about and not giving the odd look that you may get from someone the power to control you and your emotions.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…