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getting a free pass

I have worked extensively on my presentation over the last few years.

Primarily it’s about self confidence but my ability to feel confident when out in public has been bolstered by dressing, speaking and moving more effectively like a woman. If there have been double takes lately, I have not seen them so I know I am definitely going in the right direction.

But passable really should mean blending in. Some of us pass very well and some of us don’t and much of that is linked to genetics anyway. I look younger than my age but part of that is due to the fact that my features are slightly feminine for a man which, when supplemented with makeup, allows me to pass relatively well.

I had nothing to do with the genetics but I like to think that it was God’s way of allowing me to deal with this condition with more flexibility; even if I did not take advantage of it for the longest time until I got wrapped my brain correctly around this issue.

Regardless how well you present, the barriers are just not there anymore and I have been struck by the public’s lack of attention towards people who push the envelope in other ways. All you need to do is walk downtown in any large North American city to see all kinds of sartorial misfits and yet most people scarcely give them a second look. It’s unfortunate then that our preconditioning as guilt ridden cross gender expressers sometimes limits our confidence and resolve to get out there.

My message then is to not worry too much about being perfect but just about being YOU. If you are dressed for the occasion, place and in an age appropriate manner you should not expect to have any trouble. But even if you get read, most people have better things to worry about than whether you like to wear dresses or not.

Most evenings I get home from work and change into Joanna mode to go out. My immediate neighbours know and don’t care and the others likely don’t pay much attention or at most find me a curiosity.

It’s a far cry from the time when I thought my world would end if I were to be read as a male.

Last time checked, my world was still there and spinning on its axis.


  1. Whether we are comfortable getting out and about is often more a matter of mind over matter...if you don't mind then it doesn't matter.
    I do find it interesting that some of us are blessed and cursed with physical characteristics that work for and against our femme presentation. I have relative smooth skin for someone in my 6th decade. I have also been blessed with a general lack of hairlessness. I have never had to shave my arms, chest or back and I used to shave my legs annually merely for the feminine act of shaving my legs. If I do not shave them you would never know if I have pantyhose on.
    On the other hand I am a big man...6'1", 250 lbs with large powerful shoulders and back. I know I would look better if I could lose 50 lbs but my body is better suited for playing football or engaging in bar brawls.
    In either case, however, it is nice to get dressed and go out. While my size and current station in life (family, job, being well recognized in the community) keeps my outings to evenings in safe places I do believe that where I go I present well and I am always willing to talk to others about myself.

  2. You are happy being YOU Pat and I can tell that from your comments. Just keep on truckin!

  3. PS: I like the photo. I seem to recall that picture being the cover photo on either a Playboy or Penthouse about 30 years ago. It was a strikingly symbolic photo back then and remains so today.


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