You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.
Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can take decades but you eventually get there and know what it's like to breath real air. The liberation is beyond belief.
It's all in your head and your own perception of the world and all its demands is what matters. The more you allow them full control, the more you suffer their whims. Look inside and love yourself unconditionally. After that decide what the path forward will be in the assurance that you are an independent being who is being true to their nature while being good to others.
Removing expectations and trappings is not easy but it's the only way to move towards finding peace and contentment as a gender dysphoric.