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our male and female identity

In his practice, Harry Benjamin noted that there was a progressive nature to the transvestism (and I use the historical term here) of many of his patients. Some were clearly transsexuals in denial but even for those who were not, many progressed over time into living and behaving in more authentically female ways.

We have examples like Katherine Cummings, Virginia Prince, Susanna Valenti and even more currently the husband (now wife) of Helen Boyd who first identified as a crossdresser. Certainly when Helen wrote her first book in 2003 that was the case but things changed slowly over time.

In all of the examples cited, the person went on to a full or partial physical transition and full time living as a female.

Is gender dysphoria rooted in an inherent and prewired full or partial female identity? I believe the answer is yes.

The burning question however is not whether such an identity exists. The more pertinent question is: understanding that there is some level of innate “femaleness” present how does one proceed to deal with this reality?

Certainly a history of crossdressing does not signify much. The vast majority of Anne Vitale’s 200+ patients for example had gone through such a phase, however brief or long, before transitioning. So that is not an indicator per se.

What I like about today however is that we are entering a phase of history where choosing to be gender variant is becoming a valid option for dysphorics. By adopting a transgender identity you can choose to remain just that – a dual gendered being. You don’t have to transition but you can choose to.

My genitals don't define me but my brain does and I can choose to refrain from adhering perfectly to the binary. After all I was born this way and and how I choose to express gender is entirely up to me.

Yesterday Josh commented on my blog that it was hard to like his male side and I would contend that the best place to start is by looking at the person you are regardless of gender. You are a person first and not a stereotype and all decisions made about your gender role I think should be made from a positive perspective; meaning that the female in you should not win out because you hate the male you but instead because you feel more inherently female to begin with.

It's so difficult to separate ourselves from the expectations of gender behaviour because we have been conditioned from earliest memory to conform to the norm. But I would propose that we need to be outside of this imposed box in order to heal ourselves and find a way that effectively deals with our dysphoria. Once in a good place internally you can go from there but I think that includes loving who you are right now.

Here is a wonderfully written article.....


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"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…