Skip to main content

the feminine allure

Being the partner of a gender dysphoric is not an easy thing.

They need to accept that there is an anomaly in your brain; a pull that draws you towards the opposite gender in two separate and distinct ways.

I recall since the time of puberty looking at women and being drawn to them physically but also desiring to emulate and dress like them. I would admire their feminine beauty all the while wanting to possess it for myself.

I understood this to be a contradiction so I strived to suppress my desire to emulate them as a much as I could.

Today I no longer see a contradiction and reconcile my feelings by separating them into distinct parts; one sexual and one identity based. I suppose you could think of me as a male lesbian in that regard and I can now understand why many MtF transsexuals continue to be attracted to women even post transition.

It really is a truism that gender and sexuality are not necessarily linked and you need look no further than gays and lesbians for confirmation.

That final bridging is what allowed me to find peace with this contradiction which resided within my brain. I could not make sense of it for the longest time but eventually it clicked into place.

Once I accepted the identity aspect and truly owned it, I found I could stop weighing the idea of transition. Even as I reside in a male vessel I could still accept that there were two sides to me which can share the same physical space.

But even if the dysphoric comes to some sort of resolution, the partner needs to make a significant effort to intellectualise what has happened because she desires and is attracted to your maleness. There is no easy way to accept the contradiction that is before them.

I am very admiring of women who can see past the physical and look at the whole person but I also realize that there are biological trappings in the way of accomplishing that feat. After all, we are animals with instincts and those are not easily discarded or ignored.

So if you are in a successful relationship despite this challenge, you are very fortunate indeed.


Comments

  1. Well said, Joanna...I am in total agreement with you.

    Monica M

    ReplyDelete
  2. So very true and wonderfully articulated.

    Ellen.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…