Skip to main content

no "one size fits all"

Walt Heyer seems like a decent and genuine fellow. He runs a website called sexchangeregret where he highlights the dangers of having GRS without having the proper information and guidance. He himself had the surgery and reverted to living as a male.

Thorin25 is the online handle of a minister who is healing from, what he has called, a crossdressing addiction. I have posted a couple of times on his site my views on the subject.

As I understand it, both have had conversions in large part due to their religious convictions.

We know there are people who have had GRS and are very content with their lives just as there are others who crossdress and are also happy and balanced individuals. Having GRS when your life is in turmoil or you have unresolved personal issues is likely one of the worst things you could do. For others who have reflected and pondered the question at great length it has been the panacea that has brought them internal peace and resolution. Conversely, the practice of crossdressing to help manage gender dysphoria can be just the ticket for those of us who see GRS as a less desirable option.

I myself won’t be having GRS but have contacts and friends who have and they are perfectly happy with their decision decades later. Just as I know crossdressers who are also happy and have found a balance.

I think the best thing is to heed the advice of others, learn from their mistakes and realize that the reasons their decisions did not work for them need not be the same ones that apply to you. It’s how you manage your life that counts and while counsel can be and often is useful, there is no substitute for making a decision based on your own process of reflection.

When I was undergoing gender therapy they never told me what to do but simply questioned me about my thought process and made me reflect on the things I had taken as gospel. They never told me what to think or do.

Ultimately if either transition or regular crossdressing are beneficial to you it will be revealed through the impact these decisions have on your life. If you are more content, fulfilled and psychologically balanced then you know you have done the right thing.

As a practicing Catholic I am not convinced that this is as much a religious issue as much as a matter of mental health. Genuine cases of gender dysphoria require management and, for some individuals, this sometimes means gender transition. While I would advocate that option as a last resort, I don't think God would punish you for tending to a birth defect you did not ask for.

Walt Hayer


  1. It is the most accurate statement that you can make about any of us dealing or blessed with gender issues. One size fits all does not work when it comes to us any more than it ever did for pantyhose. In fact, as Sly Stone sang some 40 years ago "Different Strokes for Different Folks".
    We are all different and we all have to face our own situations and try to match our inclinations and desires with the circumstances in which we find ourselves.
    I have no issues with being Catholic or reconciling my dressing and my spirituality. God loves men and women. I think that includes everyone regardless of where society may place us.

  2. as always thanks for your input Pat...


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…