Skip to main content

our biggest challenge

The acceptance of family and friends is what every transgendered person deeply wishes for.

The catch of course is that most of us sold those people a bill of goods that did not align with our true identity. We hid because we tried to change or due to fear of rejection; there are a great many reasons.

But even if we did not ask to be born this way, I nevertheless feel strongly that lives not be torn apart due to our own selfishness. Our spouses and children who saw and witnessed the person we presented as before don't deserve a 180 degree about face and the sudden announcement that we're now a woman.

I am not judging anyone here but only stating a basic truth.

For the gender dysphoric the journey of self discovery and liberation is often a life saving endeavor and yet so often it involves the rupture and upheaval of other lives in the process. The older one is when they discover themselves, the more likely will be that this realignment will cause pain and suffering to others.

I know that some wait for the passing of a spouse or for the adulthood of their children but others somehow expect that they will keep their significant relationships wholly intact. The reality is that very few transgendered people will come away unscathed from this gut wrenching process.

I understand fully how hard it is to bear the burden of gender dysphoria and yet I strive to reflect daily on how my decisions surrounding its management will affect others around me. I shoot for a balance between my sanity and my obligations to those who depend on me.

If you have been able to undertake your journey towards becoming whole and have left little or no carnage in the process, I salute you; for you have managed to do something which is extraordinarily difficult and have come to tell the tale and maybe inspire others.

We are all different and yet all want the same thing: to love, be loved; all the while loving and respecting ourselves.

Sounds simple doesn't it?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…