Skip to main content

plus ca change.....

I’ve pushed a proverbial reset button and have given this place a fresh new coat of white paint.

I will be 52 years old this fall and I am in partial overhaul mode once again but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I have been doing a number of resets over the last seven years so why not one more.

It’s always interesting to look back and analyse the thought processes that you went through at different stages of your life. Things that were sacrosanct are perhaps less so today and what you were willing to live with then does not work as well for you now.

If there is one constant in life it’s change.

I have my work to fall back on and my son’s needs are still there. My daughter (freshly turned 16)continues her journey towards independence and she is ungluing herself from her mother and I which is not a bad thing. Both of them need to become more autonomous after being raised in a style that differs much from the one my parents used.

During my growing years we spent time outside and our parents called us in for supper or when it became dark. They assumed we were all right playing with our friends for hours. Sometimes things happened but mostly they didn’t and somehow we survived.

This is the era of bicycle helmets and safety standards but also the era of texting behind the wheel and of instant social media gratification. I heard the story on the news last night about the woman who stole a very unique looking dress from a store and having her identity discovered after she foolishly posted a new profile picture of herself wearing her newly pilfered item of clothing. The police came knocking on her door only hours later. It seems the shop owner had simply put out the social media equivalent of an all points bulletin and it paid off for him. Someone had recognized the dress and snitched.

I myself am not on Facebook or twitter or Instagram and that’s fine by me. I just had nothing meaningful to post and found the banality I saw from others to be sometimes irritating. I also did not want the pressure of keeping my page active so that people thought I was still alive by taking a snapshot of my lunch or posting what concert I was attending at that very moment.

This blog will have to suffice for now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

the risks of downplaying dysphoria

Kati’s comment on my post called “Doubting you are trans” got me thinking about the validity of our feelings and the importance of not downplaying them.

Make no mistake: gender dysphoria is real and you are not delusional and by trying to downplay our emotional need to express ourselves we are making a mistake.

At the same time, I am very realistic about what I am doing to treat my dysphoria and understand that I was not born physically female. However, the idea that gender identity is established exclusively through birth genitalia has been pretty convincingly debunked which means that gender and its expression should be left up to the individual and not to society. But unfortunately, we live in a world where disobeying the rules leads to suffering through persecution.

Transition is one way to treat your “gender expression deprivation anxiety” (thank you Anne Vitale for that wonderful term) but it is not the sole method. However, denying that the feelings are real is a recipe for dep…