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resignation

I'm currently re organizing my life a little. I'm taking stock of everything that's gone past and putting my thoughts in perspective.

If I were going to transition this would be the right time to do it. I'm on my own, my kids are almost grown and my company would give me the green light provided I had the fortitude to withstand the scrutiny of all those people who've known me as a male for decades.

Transition, however, is not for me. I am comfortable in my skin as a transgender person and while it's far from a perfect existence, there is no shame in having your brain reside somewhere between both binaries. I am happy and realistic about things and understand how life weaves its twists and turns and always surprises.

I will visit my friend at home next week and try and speak to him about what's been happening at work and in my life and chat about the weather. His wife has asked us not to ask him what comes next. There is no next; there remains only pain management through self administered morphine. I am brought back to when my father was dying of cancer and we could do was wait and try to ease his discomfort.

When I was last at the hospital we stared at each other for a minute and I could see he knew. He had that look of resignation that comes with full acceptance.

There was no panic or fear in his eyes but just a steady glare that spoke volumes to me.

Comments

  1. Some simple advice....

    Live your life as each day may be your last, and you'd have to answer for it. This way, you won't regret what you didn't do or say. If that ever means transition, do it if called for, and not if it isn't. It is up to you to be true to yourself, and that also means being there for those you care for.

    M

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Marian. That is sound advice and I think I am getting closer and closer to that "live your day as if it were your last" mindset as I get older. It becomes truer every year.

    ReplyDelete

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