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the weight of expectation

I am highlighting an excerpt from the pages of a crossdressing male who calls himself Ruthie:

“Like a lot of men, I have questioned my dressing against the role which society expect a man to play. You see, unfortunately the old stigma is still lurking in the shadows of hypocritical people, who love to try and hurt people like us with venomous comments, while hiding behind a confident disguise covering their own insecure small minded lives. These are the very kind of minority who will never go that far in life on their own and they choose to criticise rather than acknowledge that no two people are alike and can do something different, as well as being happy doing it. So the answer is easy really, STUFF society and what they think. You have one life, so live it and enjoy dressing for whatever reason you do it for. Don't feel guilty, don't go and fling your clothes away and don't let the wife use it as an excuse to divorce you, as she is probably jealous that you look better than she does anyway. Enjoy yourselves; you are not harming anything or anyone. Being true to yourself is the best life plan to follow”

This bio statement reminded me of how I once measured my cross gender expression against the expectations placed upon me as a male and how hard I was being on myself for simply doing something that came naturally to me.

Here Ruthie gets it right.

Ruthie and I are not the same. Her site includes photos which show she is more a provocative dresser and likely is more on the fetish side of the spectrum. She describes in her bio that she began young and enjoys the sensual aspects of dressing. There is nothing wrong with that.

In being true to her own nature she has found a formula that works for her. Maybe she dresses once a month and goes to a club and then goes back to a normal life as a husband and father. The intrinsic message is that so many of us no matter where we lie on the transgender spectrum have spent countless hours fighting our own natures in order to comply with what others think is right. There is no objective right here however and in hurting no one with your activity you need not be ashamed or feel guilty.

No one understands why some children become crossdressers or transsexuals but if this is the life path chosen for you then you must follow it because fighting against something uselessly serves no purpose; most especially if that something harms no one.

In trying to avoid some discomfort for others and meet the weight of societal expectation, we shouldn’t need to harm ourselves in the process.


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To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

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