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pinnacle

Gynephilic transsexuals and transgendered people suffer from crossed wiring. This is perhaps a colloquial way of expressing it but I think it applies. What they find desireable in women crosses over into their drive to emulate them.

I have always looked at women with a dual vision. I wanted to be with them but also admired their movements, clothing and mannerisms in terms of wanting to possess them for myself. However this did not happen with people I got close to and actually dated. It's as if it was only meant to be a generalized concept to be put away when a real relationship lay ahead.

Naturally, the more interest I had in the person, the more I would endeavor to quash any transgender feelings in an effort to adopt a normal male role. This still happens today and when N and I are together, those feelings are put away in a proverbial mental drawer; ready to be accessed again in the near future.

The key difference now is that I do not repel the feelings when they return. Instead, I now celebrate them fully as part of the bigger portrait that makes up my personality. Joanna's success has made the male side happier and more confident which is a side effect I had not expected.

For a time I thought that encouragement would strengthen thoughts of transition but the opposite has actually happened; I have become self actualized instead.

Having reached a pinnacle where I no longer dread negative public reaction during my outings, has seen that reaction reduced to virtually non existant levels.

Such is the power of confidence and belief in oneself.





Comments

  1. Great post, Joanna!

    I find this line especially fascinating "Joanna's success has made the male side happier and more confident which is a side effect I had not expected"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I have found that by fully embracing and not hiding in tne shadows I am much happier. I am not shouting from the rooftops but I don't care if people find out either. All of my close friends and family know and no one has disowned me yet...

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