Skip to main content

a chance encounter

I was at a Starbucks this past week and was just leaving when a woman poked me gently on the shoulder. She asked me if I knew who she was and after thinking about it for a second I recognized her. It was Helene Cote: the gender therapist I had seen a few times and have mentioned in this blog.

She was there with her young daughter but I asked if she could spare 5 minutes so we could have a brief chat since she asked me how I was faring. After collecting her beverages, she sat down with me for a short discussion. She told me that her daughter asked who the lady was, and her reply had been that I was a friend.

I quickly filled her in on what had been going on since we last spoke and about my intention to continue living my life as I have been. I told her I have no plans to transition and will deal with my gender dysphoria as I have been for the last few years. She nevertheless asked me if I would be willing to come to a group session to speak about how I am managing. Not all of her patients plan to transition fully or at all so perhaps it could be interesting to discuss my own approach to all of this.

After our brief encounter I bid farewell to her and her daughter and left thinking that it was nice to have run into her.

Comments

  1. That does sound like really nice random moment!

    Would you consider taking her up on the offer to speak?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes I will seriously consider it Jen

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think it would be great of you to go speak to the group. You have a good balanced approach to this. I know I have appreciated being able to hear/read your thoughts on the matter! Go for it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Joanna -

    Speaking to the group would be a good thing for two key reasons - (1) Others could learn from your experiences, and (2) You might find something of value from having talked with the group.

    Let us know what you end up doing....

    M

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…