Then suddenly she asks me if I feel like I am more (insert my male name) or more Joanna. I had to think about it for a second but having to answer that on the spot is actually quite complex. I alluded to that challenge in my response although I can't repeat verbatum how I answered. I thought about it again this morning and thought I would respond more fully here because I know she sometimes reads my blog.
The male and female me are not characters I play but more like gender presentations that reflect my mood while still reflecting the same internal essence. I don't know why this dichotomy exists in me but at this point it doesn't matter because I am happy. Even if the vast majority of the world's population has no such need, there are those like me that do. I have tried to repatriate Joanna and the male side but have realized thar this is not what my psyche desires; I seem to need those two entities to live separately.
I am not looking to express androginy but instead femaleness even if the source of this requirement is beyond my own understanding.
So my response is to say I have no iron clad answer other than to say that I am a unique being with my own needs and desires and I will continue to embrace that uniqueness by not rejecting any aspect of that reality.
Who do I prefer? I prefer both.