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my mother

I love my mother but she can be a handful. She has mellowed at 78 years of age but I remember her during my youth being a spark plug of energy and regularly used her voice and temperament to make things known. N likes to affectionately refer to her as a “chihuahua on crack”.

When I was 5 or 6 years old I was admonished for the first time for trying to wear her shoes as having two sisters immediately follow my birth meant that I spent a lot of my time surrounded by females which of course included role play. My mother doesn’t remember ever doing this of course but it became permanently imprinted in my childhood memory as a marking event.

There is now very little doubt in my mind that the combination of having a loving but slightly distant father, an outspoken mother and two sisters immediately follow behind me in the birth order, contributed to my developing a transgendered identity. If you add to that any ingredients of genetic predisposition, you pretty much guarantee that something will develop.

I was sometimes mistaken for a girl between the ages of 8 and 11 years of age and having the longish hairstyle of the 1970’s along with fine features pretty much guaranteed there would be some confusion generated for some adults. Being misgendered fascinated me and angered me deeply at the same time which pretty much encapsulates how I felt about my nature back then.

Now I am at ease with everything but I have had the luxury of digesting and processing it all over my lifetime. My mother knows I dress regularly and doesn’t care. Although she has no particular interest in seeing Joanna again she is very understanding of the condition and has come along with the rest of society in adopting a more sensitive attitude towards the transgendered.

Comments

  1. Hi again Joanne! I have to admit also finding my way over here from your recent conversation with Vivienne on Bluestocking Blue. I have recently been recollecting my mother (who passed away some time back aged 88), and the part she unwittingly played in all of this. She was also the vibrant personality in our family, expressing her opinions and setting the agenda. It's not really suprising that I might use her as my role model. I agree with you that there must be a biological or genetically-based structure on which this imprinting occurs. There is as yet no evidence for this, except that there must be many sons in families where there are dominant females that do not result in gender dysphoria. Anyway, I enjoy your blog and your expression of the sense of balance that you have achieved. I'm not quite there yet myself! Cheers, Barbara

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  2. I am happy that you enjoy my blog Barbara. I am also not too surprised to hear that your mother may have played a role in all this but I think we both agree that's not enough to create a transgender identity. It could explain the social aspect however.

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