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neither friend nor foe

Your gender dysphoria, no matter what its origin, needs to be acknowledged and treated. Based on my own life experience and all of my study on the subject, it tends to become more acute as we age so ignoring it is not an option.

But can there be a middle ground approach where we can treat the symptoms and avoid transition if its ultimately not the right option for us? I believe there is.

If you see your dysphoria as a foe you will do everything to ignore it and pretend it's not there. You may crossdress periodically to relieve the pressure and then throw everything away. Then you will hold your breath for another few months and hope the feelings don't return. But they always do return and as you become older and wiser you recognize this pattern only too well and decide to stop fooling yourself.

But then you may finally see your dysphoria as a friend and think: why fight it I'm trans and I must do what my trans nature tells me to do and transition. Your dysphoria is now driving the car and deciding for you what you should do. You have then given away your power to make your own call.

I am saying that there is no black and white and we are not talking about an all or nothing scenario.

You can treat your dysphoria with whatever methods are at your disposal with the understanding that the cause of your gender confusion is likely sourced in a combination of biological and social factors. You are entirely free to set your own treatment regimen because, ultimately, no one knows you better than you know yourself and there is no magical curative pill that will remove your condition. You have it and you need to treat it and you can choose a positive outlook or a negative one; that is your choice.

By acknowledging that my cross gender expression was an effective way to treat my dysphoria and allowing myself the dignity and pride in doing it well, I have found my own solution. You have already found your own or will in the near future.

No therapist or psychiatrist has an answer for you. The answer lies entirely in your own hands.


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“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

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She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

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Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

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Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…