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on any given Sunday

Tomorrow morning I will once again met my friend Janet after Mass for coffee. She is in her early seventies, retired from Canada Post and lives alone in a condo not far from the Basilica we both frequent. We met quite accidentally when she fixed the falling belt on the trench coat I was wearing as she stood behind me to receive communion. That prompted a brief exchange after the service which eventually led to us having coffee on a regular basis.

I am able to be Joanna with her. She knows me as the divorced mother to two teens and does not doubt it. All of my practice with clothes, makeup, voice and mannerisms has led to my being able to accomplish this. Genetics has helped me to be sure but without belief in oneself nothing of this sort can be accomplished. I passed better physically in my twenties yet could never even dream to pull this type of exchange off back then.

I used to worry about deceiving people like her, but now I see this as an effective way to treat my dysphoria and still be myself. I harbour the same opinions and discuss the same topics whether dressed as a woman or a man. The only difference is that I loosen the grip of male behavioural expectation and bask in what Joanna requires in order for me to achieve wholeness.

Recently I found a written journal that predates this blog and I was amazed to read some of the entries. The power of transformation is so evident when I look back and realize how far I have come.


Comments

  1. You commented on my analysis of Amy Bloom’s chapter from Normal in Vivienne’s blog. So I clicked on your link and have read several of your blogs. How refreshing they are. There is an ease and freedom running through the lines of all of them, and particularly in this entry about a chance encounter leading to a friendship. What could be more natural than having a cup of coffee with a friend.
    In all your blogs that I’ve read there is a healthy level of self-acceptance. I have no doubt that this has not come to you in gift wrapping. However it is there with freshness and delight. Reading your latest entry was as pleasant as having a cup of coffee in good company.
    Thank you for that,
    Carole Fraser

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  2. Carole I very much appreciate your comments here as well as your wonderful analysis on Vivienne's site. It has indeed been a long and hard fought battle for self acceptance but it haa been worthwhile as I have learnt much about myself and others in trying to get there.

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