I feared telling my ex-wife and even though my disclosure opened the door to divorce it was not really this that ended the marriage as there were other issues at play. So I ended up suffering in silence; first during my formative years at home and then for 13 years in a less than happy marriage.
I would never presume to counsel anyone on this since we all understand all too well our individual situations but I do find that in the end having all come out is the best way to go. Neither of you will be happy or fulfilled while something this important remains a secret. After all, this forms an essential component in your psychological identity as a person.
My inability to share something this intrinsic part of my being was killing me slowly.
As often happens in these situations, my hand was forced when my ex-wife began to ask questions which revealed to me that she assumed I was having an affair. Instead I decided to tell her that my secret life had more to do with the exploration of my gender issues than chatting online with a lover. After that, a series of events unfolded which led to where I am today.
I would change nothing of what happened today but at the time I thought it was the end of the world.