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our little secret

Secrecy serves no purpose. The fear that most of us harbour in telling our spouses about our secret selves is often exaggerated and even if it is not it keeps us trapped in a kind of self imposed limbo.

I feared telling my ex-wife and even though my disclosure opened the door to divorce it was not really this that ended the marriage as there were other issues at play. So I ended up suffering in silence; first during my formative years at home and then for 13 years in a less than happy marriage.

I would never presume to counsel anyone on this since we all understand all too well our individual situations but I do find that in the end having all come out is the best way to go. Neither of you will be happy or fulfilled while something this important remains a secret. After all, this forms an essential component in your psychological identity as a person.

My inability to share something this intrinsic part of my being was killing me slowly.

As often happens in these situations, my hand was forced when my ex-wife began to ask questions which revealed to me that she assumed I was having an affair. Instead I decided to tell her that my secret life had more to do with the exploration of my gender issues than chatting online with a lover. After that, a series of events unfolded which led to where I am today.

I would change nothing of what happened today but at the time I thought it was the end of the world.


 

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If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…