Skip to main content

those elusive happy endings

I read recently about a U.K. based couple with two young children aged 5 and 3. The husband and wife have been married since 2006 and he has come out as transgendered. You already know where this is going don't you?

He now works full time as a woman named Cassie but at home he tries to be "normal" dad Dave for his wife and children. He feels this is a good compromise but his wife Pam is particularly unhappy with her husband's alter ego and the children are confused. Dave feels he has no choice or face depression and despondency.

The fact is that only one in three marriages survives one of the partners coming out as transgendered and, as much as I can relate to Dave/Cassie's situation, I can't help but find much sympathy for his family's feelings. Yes being transgendered isn't a choice but by the time many of us come to terms with who we are, much damage has been done to other people's lives. We desperately don't want this to happen but it just comes with the territory it seems.

Dave/Cassie is likely a transsexual who is desperately trying not to transition in order to keep the family together and I truly hope this happens. However, judging from the very normal reaction of his wife it doesn't inspire confidence. She says she married a man and not a woman and that she can't abide seeing him as Cassie.

I empathize with everyone involved but you sense that this might be a losing battle in the long run. This condition sometimes has a way of taking no prisoners.

Cassie at work

Comments

  1. Thanks for a very intriguing post, Joanna. I hope for the best for Cassie and Pam, but I just don't see this ending well.

    I'm interested in the statistic you mentioned - only one in three marriages survives one of the partners coming out as transgendered. What's the source of that stat? Any more details about the background for the study that produced that stat?

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was mentioned in the article Linda Marie but I have seen similar numbers mentioned in other articles. My own marriage is part of that statistic.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

the risks of downplaying dysphoria

Kati’s comment on my post called “Doubting you are trans” got me thinking about the validity of our feelings and the importance of not downplaying them.

Make no mistake: gender dysphoria is real and you are not delusional and by trying to downplay our emotional need to express ourselves we are making a mistake.

At the same time, I am very realistic about what I am doing to treat my dysphoria and understand that I was not born physically female. However, the idea that gender identity is established exclusively through birth genitalia has been pretty convincingly debunked which means that gender and its expression should be left up to the individual and not to society. But unfortunately, we live in a world where disobeying the rules leads to suffering through persecution.

Transition is one way to treat your “gender expression deprivation anxiety” (thank you Anne Vitale for that wonderful term) but it is not the sole method. However, denying that the feelings are real is a recipe for dep…