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expression and identity

If Anne Vitale is right and this condition should be termed Gender Expression Deprivation Anxiety Disorder then part of the answer for sufferers is to dole out the right amount of expression to soothe that anxiety. Many of the people whose blogs I read are in a situation where their level of expression or lack thereof is leaving them frustrated and conflicted. They are of course thinking about their families and respecting their rejection of a desire that no one understands and which we have imbedded in us since early childhood.

But if the desire to express femininity is rooted in insufficient androgen exposure in eutero then we shouldn't feel conflicted about dealing with this condition in a positive and healthy way. If part of the solution involves regular cross gender expression then we need to try and find an arrangement that our families can accept. This will necessarily involve having them understand that this for us is not a choice but a requirement for mental health and stability.

The WPATH standards of care mention that the course of treatment for some gender dysphoric people can stop at this junction and need not even lead even to HRT. The idea is to assuage the anxiety to allow for sustained mental health.

I was in the unfortunate position of having to deal with the turmoil of a divorce and an illness virtually at the same time but I am here to say that rebuilding and strengthening far beyond my expectations is possible. I've never felt as mentally sharp as I do now.

I can keep my identity as a male bodied person and express my gender in the way I choose but still respects my life commitments to others. That balance is difficult to attain and it requires tweaking and adjusting.

John Hopkins medical center, which no longer performs reassignment surgeries, recently completed a study that followed transgendered people some having had surgery many years ago and some not. The results showed that there was not a significant difference in the level of life satisfaction in either group.

There is an answer that fits you.


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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…