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hiding in plain sight

There are many of us out there but we are not always visually distinct. We represent a sliver of the general population but we are even less apparent than that due to our ability to blend in and hide. In 2 weeks I will be 52 years old and I have not felt like hiding for quite some time now. Although I have not come out to absolutely everyone those who need to know about me have been informed.

Being out in the open has benefited me much more than it has them. Their lives have not changed for the better or for the worse while mine has decidedly taken a turn for the better.

For those of you still struggling with the impacts that your condition has on others I would beseech you to take some initiatives to make your case known. When my pot threatened to boil over, going into a gender clinic offered me an oasis where I could have my thinking questioned by someone else; someone who did not harbour the same prejudices and preconceived notions I held about my situation. The ideas I held were questioned and inspected and during that process I learnt much about myself.

We tend to think we are to blame for our feelings and what we require is fortitude and self control but that does not work. I am one of the most controlled people I know and my life is a testament of will and discipline and yet I could not defeat my dysphoria. Instead I needed to befriend it and learn to understand it without necessarily caving in to its demands.

As I posted here yesterday, the WPATH standards recommend whatever method works for you as a transgendered person. The trick is to have those methods fit within the constraints of your family and your work environment. This is by no means an easy thing and if it were there would have been no need for me to have started this blog. I started this blog because this process is very hard.

I can’t promise you that your path will be easy either but at a certain point in time you may simply run out of gas and no longer care about being discovered.

One eventually gets tired of hiding in plain sight.

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sample pages...
















love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…