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hiding in plain sight

There are many of us out there but we are not always visually distinct. We represent a sliver of the general population but we are even less apparent than that due to our ability to blend in and hide. In 2 weeks I will be 52 years old and I have not felt like hiding for quite some time now. Although I have not come out to absolutely everyone those who need to know about me have been informed.

Being out in the open has benefited me much more than it has them. Their lives have not changed for the better or for the worse while mine has decidedly taken a turn for the better.

For those of you still struggling with the impacts that your condition has on others I would beseech you to take some initiatives to make your case known. When my pot threatened to boil over, going into a gender clinic offered me an oasis where I could have my thinking questioned by someone else; someone who did not harbour the same prejudices and preconceived notions I held about my situation. The ideas I held were questioned and inspected and during that process I learnt much about myself.

We tend to think we are to blame for our feelings and what we require is fortitude and self control but that does not work. I am one of the most controlled people I know and my life is a testament of will and discipline and yet I could not defeat my dysphoria. Instead I needed to befriend it and learn to understand it without necessarily caving in to its demands.

As I posted here yesterday, the WPATH standards recommend whatever method works for you as a transgendered person. The trick is to have those methods fit within the constraints of your family and your work environment. This is by no means an easy thing and if it were there would have been no need for me to have started this blog. I started this blog because this process is very hard.

I can’t promise you that your path will be easy either but at a certain point in time you may simply run out of gas and no longer care about being discovered.

One eventually gets tired of hiding in plain sight.


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another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…