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less might be more

I remember once meeting a fellow patient while I waited for my gender appointment. He was in the early stages of transition and could barely strike up a conversation with me or even look me in the eye. After I went inside, Helene told me that he rarely spoke to strangers and had some communication issues.

That meeting stayed with me.

People who follow this blog know that I am on record as not being against transition. However I do propose that one get their house in order before embarking on such a journey. Gender dysphoria is a formidable opponent to be sure and it must be dealt with all of your faculties in good working order. If you have low self esteem, suffer from depression or have family problems then your transition will not repair them and potentially only make them worse. It may be tempting to think that these issues are in part due to our incorrect gender role designation.

I found that it was only when my psyche was at peace that I able to properly tackle my dysphoria. It was when I was most conflicted that my mind raced from place to place in search of a solution.

Perhaps the best approach might be to work on understanding ourselves as well as we can and to do only what is minimally required to improve our happiness. For some this may be occasional cross gender expression while for others it may include hormone treatments or androgen blockers. We are all different.

On another note, a recently discovered that a well written blog I like may henceforth be haunted by two familiar, predictable and polar opposite characters. One is from the dysphoria as fetish school while the other is from the discredited HBS crowd who adopts the clarion call "my bell has rung ergo I am a woman" but must bolster herself by discrediting the transgendered. The author of the blog I refer to appears to be well read, intelligent and hopefully up to the challenge of tackling these two.

Meanwhile, my blog will continue to very happily dispel falsehoods and use current and past research to help people with medium to strong dysphoria find alternative solutions to deal with their condition. This is particularly important for those of us who are heterosexual.

As I have posted here lately, the resources are out there for you if you need them.


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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

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Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…