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the illness model

I’ve abandoned the “gender dysphoria as illness” model. I used to espouse it but I found that it was getting in my way of treating my gender incongruity so I now just do what feels right without hurting my partner or my children.

Whether gender dysphoria is due to a birth anomaly or not the fact of the matter is that we suffer more from the slings and arrows of societal rejection than from anything else. If no one cared how we expressed gender, then transgender people wouldn’t be conflicted. Our parents and our peers would accept us exactly as we are and we would see very little turmoil over this issue. This happens now in certain cultures like Samoa, Thailand or India where third genders are more tolerated than in the west. But even here we are starting to come around slowly.

I know some people reject any form of discussion of gender dysphoria being an abnormality and prefer to speak of their inner female. All of that is fine by me since no one understands where all of this comes from anyway. The most important thing is that you need to be mentally and physically functional to live a healthy life; whatever encourages that personal happiness while allowing you to meet your commitments is going to be the right answer for you.

N has suffered throughout most of her life from severe episodes of clinical depression for which she takes medication. She is kind, intelligent and I love her but her condition does not define her as a person. Our dysphoria shouldn’t either.

You need to live your life with something that you can see negatively or positively. I have chosen to see the positive and after having tried the alternative I have no intention of going back to it.


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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…