Skip to main content

framing your own identity

I am enjoying seeing the diversity we have in our world. Our increasingly tolerant environment is bringing out the true colours of people who were once too afraid to poke their heads out for some air. As a result, we are more than ever able to showcase and celebrate our differences.

It happened with sexuality. We naively thought that people’s sexual practices were restricted to monogamous relations between men and women but clearly there was much more than met the eye. There was the part society was supposed to see but more underneath.

Recently here in Canada, Gian Gomeshi, a popular radio host and personality, was dismissed from the CBC for engaging in a type of bestial sex that was essentially physical assault. He defended himself by saying that it was consensual but many women began speaking up and the broadcaster could not condone his activity by having Mr. Gomeshi continue to work for them. Admittedly, this particular case features one of the less desirable aspects of diversity.

There are all types of sexual kinks, tastes and orientations out there that I won’t go into detail about but should we then be surprised that there is an equally astonishing diversity in the area of gender?

We now have people who openly self identify as gender variant, gender non-conforming, gender queer, androgynous,transgender, transsexual, cross dresser, etc and within those designations (whatever their value) live their lives quite uniquely. Even those terms only have the meaning and power that you give them and can shift within lifetimes. In the end you are a human being with emotions, intellect and a desire to express yourself that reflects who you are. I suggest that the best name for that is being yourself; it's that simple.

So yes we have discovered that the expression of gender is not as monolithic as we first thought and what of it? it should not come as a shock because if you look at nature’s model on other fronts it is chock full of anomalies, exceptions, mutations and variations. We, as an inherent part of that nature, are not immune to them either.

People of every possible inclination have always existed and made themselves known and heard only as much as was permitted by the mores of the culture they happened to be living in. We still see this today where depending on the family your were born into and openness of your society, your divergence from the accepted norm could either be welcomed, tolerated or openly rejected. Remember that surgery and hormone therapy didn't exist for those people and yet they somehow survived.

You have a chance to define and frame your identity on your own terms more than at any other period in our history and for that we should all be grateful. Now do yourself the honour and the dignity to be the only person deemed worthy to do so.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...


my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…