Skip to main content

the last word

This will be my last blog post.

The mission of this blog was to act as personal therapy during a time when confusion reigned in my life regarding my gender issues. I didn't know where I stood or how to define myself within the spectrum which ranged from crossdresser to full blown transsexual. Turns out that this was not the right question but I needed to take the journey to find out.

There is much good information but just as much misinformation on this topic out there in cyberspace. If you fall for everything you read or take what is well meaning or occasionally even deliberately mean spirited advice to heart you are not doing your homework. Think, reflect, read but in the end do what is right for you.

I was trained as a scientist and needed to delve into the technical papers in addition to reading the personal testimonials of those who have struggled with this difference since early childhood. Yes that is all it is.....a difference.

Your brain is the most complex organ in your body and it can be talked into and out of things in order to be able to find peace. Make no mistake in that the transgendered condition is real and must be dealt with and, in my personal opinion, only a small minority should proceed to transition through surgical means. You will ultimately be the judge but accepting yourself as a graceful creature of God holds up a far more important message to the world

I am as lucid and happy as I have ever been after going through some very challenging times, I have come out on the other side far stronger than I ever imagined was possible and wish the very same for the rest of you. This blog will continue to exist so that others can hopefully be inspired through my experience. I came from such a dark place of guilt, shame and rejection of something I was born with that if I can do it then you can also.

I want to very strongly recommend that you find solace in the father of modern day transsexualism Harry Benjamin.Read him for yourself because others have twisted his words to cover their personal insecurities and agendas. The book was written by an endocronologist who not only dedicated his life to the treatment of gender dysphoria but who also possessed a high level of empathy and respect for his patients no matter where they resided on his scale.

I want to thank Jack Molay for his continuing support and dedication to dispelling falsehoods and encourage you to support his efforts. I will still poke my head into his interesting discussions over at Crossdreamers to be sure.

Lastly I want to encourage you to love yourself as the person you were created. There is no shame in being who you are and now that I can openly celebrate that difference for myself I feel as I have never felt before, Don't be afraid to be yourself.

I end this blog with the words of Harry Benjamin:

"Instead of treating the patient, might it not be wiser and more sensible to treat society educationally so that logic, understanding and compassion might prevail?"

Wiser words were never spoken.


  1. I will miss your blog, Joanna. Sorry you are leaving!


  2. I agree, I will miss it too - you are willing to challenge and are always insightful. Thank you for the time and effort you have put into it.

    Rhi x

  3. I will miss you blog-posts they were always a source of inspiration and insight. You, along with others, said things I could not.

    I am a huge fan of Harry Benjamin and I will add Crossdreamers to my list of sites to look into to.

    Fare-well, Joanna.

  4. I too will miss them. I feel incredibly lucky to have found them this year, as they have provided me with a great deal of insight, both from the wisdom you have personally accumulated and the clinicians you have referenced. Best wishes and thankyou Joanna!

  5. Joanna -

    I will miss your voice too. A while back, I suggested that you keep publishing entries, though you were more at peace in life. I still feel you still have much to offer, and suggest that you change your publication schedule to weekly/bi-weekly/monthly intervals, so that you have enough material that interests you to write about , to make blogging worthwhile for you....


  6. You have been such a validating presence on the internet. I shall miss so much my daily caffeine shot of musings. You've encouraged in each of us the honesty to find out who we really are, and the courage to be this person with authenticity. Thank you for the time and research you have put into your blog, and for the healthy example you have created for us.
    Best wishes for your future,
    Carole Fraser

  7. Thank you Joanna for doing a lot of the heavy lifting for us all. I really appreciate it. I will miss you sorely.

  8. we will miss your blog entries. i haven't been doing much online this past summer due to my dad's broken arm/shoulder which has since healed. but at 89 he still needs much help. so i have only recently gotten to check back in at this site. but non the less you will be missed. on the other hand you could do an occasional blog on non transgendered topics if you like... ether way please keep in touch.

  9. thank you so much to all of you for your very kind words. Its been an adventure and I wanted to go out with a bang so to speak. I was going to risk repeating myself but I do promise to stay around and chime in to your personal blogs from time to time...All the best to all of you!!.....Joana

    1. That is all we can hope for dear Joanna, that you look in once in a while..

    2. Agreed - your comments are valued and appreciated (yours too Abigale, thank you) x

  10. I will miss your writings. Thank you for doing all of the hard work you have done, I have learned so much from you. Hope to see you around the net from time to time. Take care sweetie!

  11. Your voice will be missed on many levels. You had a prior 'pause' and we were glad that you came back.

    May I suggest that perhaps your blog is not done.
    There were three major components to your blog. The first was the scientifice analysis and review of a great amount of the writing and scholarship that has related to the 'T' community. To your way of thinking it may be this component of your writing that has reached its logical and scientific termini. It was only this component that could have an end point.

    The other two regular components of your blog involved your comments on events that became newsworthy and of adequate interest to you for you to share with us your thoughts. These events will continue and I, for one, would remain interested in your view of ongoing events and items of interest to the 'T' community.

    The third component of occasional theme of your writing is what I would call the 'Life of Joanna'. Your sharing the elements of your life and your 'T' existance and escapades has always been of interest to me and I presume others.

    Therefore, I would urge you to keep up your blogs and rather than forcing yourselft to the 'work like' task of composing regular, if not daily, postings that you post when the muse moves you and that you keep us informed of your views as they related to the two other themes of your blog.

    In any event I thank you for the heavy lifting of deep thought that you have put into your writings and wish you and your loved ones all the best that life has to offer.


  12. thank you Nadine and thank you Pat. I am actually glad to be done because as much as I admire the many people I have encountered in this wonderful community of ours, I don't want to overdose on everything trans related. I think this part of my life is done and my cross gender expression will simply form part of the human being that I am without defining me entirely.

    I will however continue to post my opinions on several blogs that others keep up and respond to any who would consider my input useful in any way.

    You in particular Pat have been a steadfast and stable supporter and I have always appreciated your calm input.

    Nadine you keep rocking those outfits and keep being happy with who you are!

  13. Yours has been a blog with a particular goal. While it makes sense to bring it to a close now, feeling you have achieve that goal, I cannot help having feelings of sadness. So I will simply add my voice to those saying we will miss your posts here Joanna. Thank you.

  14. Thank you Halle and you can bet that I will be chiming in on your blog from time to time to add my two cents!

  15. I'm going to miss your thoughts, Joanna. I just featured this post on T-Central. Because of some Thanksgiving related posts, I waited until now to feature it.

    Thanks for everything you have done.

  16. It has been my pleasure Callie and I will still be around to chime in to your blog, Halle's and others...xo, Joanna


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

another coming out

Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

the risks of downplaying dysphoria

Kati’s comment on my post called “Doubting you are trans” got me thinking about the validity of our feelings and the importance of not downplaying them.

Make no mistake: gender dysphoria is real and you are not delusional and by trying to downplay our emotional need to express ourselves we are making a mistake.

At the same time, I am very realistic about what I am doing to treat my dysphoria and understand that I was not born physically female. However, the idea that gender identity is established exclusively through birth genitalia has been pretty convincingly debunked which means that gender and its expression should be left up to the individual and not to society. But unfortunately, we live in a world where disobeying the rules leads to suffering through persecution.

Transition is one way to treat your “gender expression deprivation anxiety” (thank you Anne Vitale for that wonderful term) but it is not the sole method. However, denying that the feelings are real is a recipe for dep…