You had nothing to do with creating this gender incongruity and in accepting fully that it is a permanent trait you can go about managing your life around it. Easier said than done I know but many of you are already doing that quite well.
Some of you have understanding partners who have accepted that this will never go away. To varying degrees they have realized that it's possible to have a healthy relationship with a transgendered person. Aside from this difference we are like everyone else.
I am increasingly encouraged by the idea that society can adjust to us instead of the reverse. It should be possible for us to exist outside of the binary and not feel pressured to conform if it's not in our natural wiring to do so. There are all kinds of people out there for us; people who look at the whole person and realize that there is more to us than our gender identity.
Plumbing is irrelevant here. What counts is what's between the ears and once people get to know the entire person they can appreciate that we are more like them than they first imagined.
I go back to my discussion with the partner of N's brother who told me that she realizes all the more that transgendered people are really just like everyone else. I am glad to know her and she feels the same towards me.
Once you are at peace with your own insides you can proceed to make peace with the world.