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becoming more visible

Finding a practical comfort zone as a transgender person is not simple. Even if we say to ourselves that we should just not care about what others think we do because we are human. We seek approval and want to be loved and accepted; ideally while being able to present in a way that we are comfortable.

The world naturally and viscerally rejects the concept of a transgender person. Why? because it is confusing, to some visually disturbing and a foreign experience to most people. They simply cannot relate to the feelings that have always been part of our lives.

These constraints force us into a situation where we must literally ignore what people think of us because (simply put) a lot of people are going to disapprove of you. Many in your own family and circle of friends will not understand why you are doing this to yourself (and to them).

Therefore what is going to need to happen is that enough transgender people live openly thus becoming an unavoidable fact of life. People need to see us day in and day out and eventually realize that we don’t form part of an evil conspiracy. We go to our jobs, we see our friends and we want the same things out of life that they do.

There are enough activists out there now that the tide has truly begun to turn but I think it will take at least another generation before we are accepted as part of the fabric of society. To be where gays and lesbians are now will take at least that long.

In the grand scheme of history that is not a very long time at all.

I am doing what I can at my age while realizing that I am towards the tail end of a career that has seen me as a male for its entirety. However I don’t care if I am recognized on the street by someone who knows me and would be happy to explain. I don’t deny myself the right to go anywhere with the exception that in either mode I am not likely to go clubbing at 1 am. It’s just not the type of person I am.

When you get to an internal comfort zone you know it. It’s a peaceful feeling that you are honouring you right to present yourself in a way that you feel comfortable. If that method is to live partially as a male and partially as a female then so be it. No one has the right to define that for you.

In the province of Quebec you can now change your gender marker and name to reflect your own sense of identity without necessarily having undergone HRT treatments or reassignment surgery. The government has recognized that gender identity is less about plumbing than about how you feel and how you wish to express yourself.

No most people won't be lining up to make these changes, but for the little fraction of the population for whom this is important, it makes all the difference in the world.


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Recently I had lunch with one of the young estimators who occasionally works with me here in Toronto. We were chatting about work and our respective lives when she queried about my love life:

“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

“My situation is a little particular and if you don’t mind I can share something about myself”

She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

“I am trans” I said matter of factly.

She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

She is 35 years old and a lovely person which is why I knew I could confide in her. I then added that I had been reflecting on whether I would switch companies and begin working as Joanna and although she is totally open she also knows how conservative our business can be. So I told her that if I did decide to it would definitely be under a different umbrella.

Then yesterday I was coming back to my place and the lady who rents it to me, who is abo…

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…