Skip to main content

sticks and stones...

For decades people who felt neither perfectly male nor female have lived the best way they knew how in societies that ran the gamut between openly hostile to wholly tolerant. This meant that some lived entirely in the closet while some were accepted as a third gender.

Our western society has moved along on the spectrum of acceptability. Since the days of the Phil Donahue show where perplexed audience members struggled to understand what heterosexual cross dressers were all about, we have moved forward in our understanding and tolerance of gender variance.

The new cross dresser of today has more latitude than ever but they don’t call themselves that. The under twenty five year olds see themselves as either androgynous, gender variant, non-binary or perhaps use no terms at all because they don’t need to. Their behaviour is increasingly being seen as part of a mosaic that stretches beyond what we used to think was acceptable.

That need for definition was more relevant when people were desperately afraid of what they were facing. They wanted to know if a person was a cross dresser or a transsexual when in truth sometimes neither term applied. What would they call Billy Tipton: a woman who lived full time as a man without surgical intervention?

In response, the term transgender has been adopted as a catch all term for the many variances we see out there in the world. In all of its wonderful messiness we see people living lives on their own terms and defying specific definition.

The terms transvestite and transsexual have been dropped from our lexicons as being anachronistic and insulting to the people they presumed to describe and I suspect the term cross dresser will come next; if for no other reason than it tries to define people who display a very wide range of behaviour and for whom the dressing is only part of the entire portrait.


Comments

  1. What a wonderful world that will be when all of the countries in the world accept a kaleidoscope of people for just being themselves!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's hoping that day comes sooner rather than later!

      Mandy

      Delete
  2. I don't believe we are that far off from that ideal

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…