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the model breaks down under examination

The old simplistic two-typology transsexual model proposed by Ray Blanchard falls apart under the close scrutiny and I will provide you with 4 very concrete and well-known examples to illustrate this: Kimberly Reed, Zagria, Gigi Gorgeous and Lynn Conway.

For those of you not familiar, the model works roughly like this:

Autogynephilic (woman and/or self-loving)/Androphilic (man-loving)
Not-feminine in childhood/Feminine in childhood
Late-transitioning / Early-transitioning

Now let's examine each case:

Lynn Conway was a patient of Harry Benjamin’s who fathered children before transitioning and eventually marrying her current husband. She is an outspoken critic of the Blanchard work and is a tireless defender of transgender rights. But which typology was she?

Kimberly Reed is a feminine and beautiful woman who transitioned in college, was an all-star high school quarterback and has a female life partner. Hence relatively early transition, gynephilic and not obviously feminine in chil…

no point arguing against the ideologically driven

Well the dogmatically-driven idiots over at Breibart News are at it again.

Telling us that the facts point to transgenderism being rooted in an ideological movement instead of in science. Well why didn't they tell me that when I was a kid I know it would have made all the difference to me.

Clearly these people are not interested in facts. Also where did they get the "born in the wrong body" line for I haven't heard any trans person I know utter those words.

If these right-wingers had done even some basic homework they would know that gender dysphoria does not respond to psychotherapy and, I don't know about you, but I am not mentally ill.

But this article is about ideology driving fact creation instead of the other way around.

I take it these people would rather have us try conversion therapy on these kids and then witness its utter ineffectiveness. Or perhaps they would prefer we shoot transgender people like horses with a broken leg?

It should be obvious to …

a disappointing reality

Ava DuVernay's "13th" is an extremely important film for it chronicles the persistent racism in the United States against African Americans. The title refers to the 13th amendment which was a way to facilitate the incarceration of slaves who had now been emancipated.

Beginning with the mass incarceration of freed slaves after 1865 and moving on to segregation and painting of blacks as dangerous and naturally criminal, there has been a consistent effort to marginalize this community.

DW Griffith's famous film “Birth of a Nation” depicted African Americans as rapists and dangerous killers and even glorified the Klu Klux Klan. This film saw the invention of the burning cross which, in an example of life imitating art, saw its adoption by this fringe extremist group as a new way to terrorize.

The US has 5% of the world population and yet currently has 25% of the world’s prisoners; a healthy portion of whom are black. This is a staggering and troubling statistic.

The Repu…

patience is a virtue

I was watching Camille Paglia being interviewed recently.

I am not a fan and her almost histrionic tone as she stammers her way through a conversation is almost jarring. She knows absolutely nothing about gender dysphoria but of course has lots to say about transgender youth. Remember how I said recently that those least well poised to speak are often the most vocal?

But there was a point made that merited reflection: As we come out from hiding might some of these trans kids be too quickly turning to body modification rather than settling for being authentic transgender people?

What about creating a societal environment where they don’t need to do that.

Make no mistake in that some of these transgender youths are deeply dysphoric and may be prime candidates for full transitions but for others it’s not as clear cut.

Now that our environment is more receptive to transgender people and we are emerging from hiding they may want to take a few deep breaths before hand.

However if I have obs…

I take up the challenge

I decided to take up Calie’s challenge and write a blog post about why some people stop going out dressed after a while. This issue was brought up in her introduction to a T-Central featured post from the “All About My Lucy” blog.

I have no doubt that the answer relates back to the gender spectrum and how some people use crossdressing as fun and are not gender dysphoric. Sometimes the two worlds blend but they aren’t the same thing at all.

This was brought home to me a few years ago when I went out with a crossdresser and his wife. The evening was fun and full of interesting conversation but as time wore on I began to realize that there were major differences between this person and myself. For me this was an issue of identity versus for him a social and perhaps sexual turn on which he shared with his wife. They might go out a few times a year like this and then put “her” back in a suitcase.

I am a borderline transsexual and nothing will ever change that. After 54 years of existence I…

a keen advisor and helper

Louise Lawrence was one of Harry Benjamin’s first 10 patients and was called Doris in the original writing to preserve her anonymity. She actually predates Virginia Prince who also corresponded heavily with him over the years.

Both Prince and Lawrence eventually transitioned mostly socially with some level of estrogen ingestion but with no genital surgery.

Louise was a keen student of the subject and wrote under the mom de plume Janet Thompson. She wrote Benjamin many letters over the years no doubt helping him fashion his disorientation scale which in today’s nomenclature we would describe as dysphoria intensity. She met Benjamin via Alfred Kinsey in 1948.

I have written about her before in this blog.

What makes her important besides her keen intellectual interest in the subject was that she straddled the line between what was then termed a transvestite and a transsexual which helped Benjamin see the sometimes blurred edges of dysphoria. As Louise’s life advanced she found it increas…

Merry Christmas part 2...

Merry Christmas

To anyone who follows this blog or to those who might read this post, I want to wish you all a peaceful and blissful Christmas.

This blog increasingly focuses on the ideals of justice and fairness for all no matter what your creed, sexual orientation, gender identity or social status in life. Let us hope that we work our way to a more peaceful world and that one day all people will be able to thrive through having the minimum requirements in life which are a roof over their heads, access to clean water and a warm meal in their stomach. All this being made possible through some sort of gainful employment.

Social justice for all shouldn't be a luxury but instead a basic human right.

God bless!





an alternate reality

In this internet era where faux news has become the norm it is more possible than ever to live in an alternate reality. Some Trump supporters even go as far as disbelieving that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote which she did by almost 3 million votes. Some of his base even thinks that California electoral college votes shouldn't count.

This is beyond surreal.

David Pakman goes through some recent poll data that is frustrating but not that surprising given my opening statement. People believe what they want to and will not be deterred with inconvenient facts.

For this reason, I am not certain that the current state of polarization in the United States is easily reparable because even relatively intelligent people are falling prey to ideology that falls along their political and religious beliefs.

This is like a bad science fiction movie where the people are possessed by alien life forms a la Invasion of the Body Snatchers and if I thought the Bush years were bad this is going t…

a wholistic belief system

Coming from a strict Catholic background I have sought to reconcile religious teachings with my observations and to understand what makes religious conservatives so uptight about recognizing the realities of our modern existence. After all, sexual orientation and now gender identity for example, are becoming clearly understood to be something one does not choose but rather something one is born into.

I think the problem centers around the idea that certain religions adopt as doctrine certain immovable tenets that, when questioned, are akin to removing the thread from the sweater that threatens its whole integrity. In other words, if one accepts these ideas then other parts of the belief system begin to be called into question.

Throughout my life I have had always had the conflict of believer versus my rational observations. However that rationality did not preclude the existence of something beyond our understanding. I simply had to reconcile my understanding of the physical world wit…

National Geographic makes history

Not surprisingly religious conservatives are foaming at the mouth over this but other people are praising the classic magazine for recognizing an obvious reality: that our understanding of gender is evolving. We used to think that plumbing exclusively determined how someone identified which has been found to be a simplification.

Young 9 year old transgender girl Avery graces the cover.

Here is an excerpt:

"She has lived as an openly transgender girl since age 5, and she captured the complexity of the conversation around gender. Today, we're not only talking about gender roles for boys and girls—we're talking about our evolving understanding of people on the gender spectrum.

The portraits of all the children are beautiful. We especially loved the portrait of Avery—strong and proud. We thought that, in a glance, she summed up the concept of "Gender Revolution."

Like her, all of us carry labels applied by others. The complimentary ones—“generous,” “funny,” “smart”—a…

my thoughts on alternatives to transition

Clare Flourish's blog post entitled "alternatives to transition" gave me much food for thought.

I think that the answer depends greatly on several things not the least of which is the level of your gender dysphoria. If you can be happy going out once a month or even once a week and temper the feelings then you are on to something.

In general, society has a deep disdain for feminine males. They are shunned and ridiculed and in the worst of times killed. There is a visceral distaste there which runs along the biological imperative of having a protective presence that will provide a masculine ideal. But such a model is not real for everyone and those of us caught in this trap of having to deal with expectation and needing to be ourselves are stuck.

Extreme cases of dysphoria were and are dealt with transition and I think that is still the best option. There are clear cut examples where you just look at the child and you know (and they know) that they are best to live their …

what to do

Mainstream conservatives in the United States have a problem.

With the rising polarization in the country, the conspiracy nuts and outright racist elements of the new alternative right (or alt-right) movement are forcing these more conventional believers to respond. For this new extremist element is risking polluting the waters of their tamer if not overly appealing doctrine.

The rise of the internet echo chamber which includes Conservative talk radio, FOX News and thinly veiled racist websites like Breibart have only fed the new appetite for extremism which is now flirting with increasingly dangerous ideas.

Old school conservatism along the style of a Barry Goldwater was more rooted in fiscal policies which included guaranteeing state rights and reducing the influence of the federal government, but with the passage of time more radical thinking had begun to enter into the ideology. The left also has its problems, but I more concerned about the right since moving further along on the …

hindsight

Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it?

We look back at our lives armed with today's knowledge and we can understand why certain things occurred. At the time they made little sense to us.

When I was very young I played the delicate balance of doing what was expected and what I secretly desired. The latter could only be achieved in the privacy of my own room or when the family was out. I cherished those moments when I could be on my own and, no sooner had the car left the driveway I was already in my mother’s closet picking out something to wear.

At first her shoes were too large but it didn’t take too many years for that to change. It was the impetus for my first tentative steps out to purchase something that would invariably end up in a dumpster; something that was always purchased for “someone else”.

Today living as a woman part time would have seemed unimaginable to that young version of myself. That Jekyll and Hyde struggle with my psyche occupied so much wasted energy but it …

life throws you curve balls

Life has thrown me a few curve balls to be sure. The biggest one was having to deal with gender dysphoria right from a young age and finding a way to cope.

But of course there have been other challenges and today I stand at an interesting crossroads where my children are flirting with adulthood and my career is coming slowly to an end.

I now get to live a little more for me and will reflect on how I want to spend my remaining years; however long that may be.

I have learnt valuable lessons along the way because I do believe that adversity breeds resourcefulness and helps forge character. In that sense I don’t regret the challenges one bit although when I was mired in the depths of my gender struggles and my marriage was imploding I didn’t have the foresight to think that it was possible to survive and even thrive.

I am an intellectual, so everything must be sliced and diced and examined under a microscope which is both good and bad. I don’t know any other way to be but over analysis ca…

sweet irony

This is just sweet irony.

If America’s Got Talent young prodigy Jackie Evancho sings at the Trump inauguration ceremony, it will not go unnoticed that her 17 year old sister Juliet is transgender and transitioned about a year ago with the approval of the entire family.

Also not lost on anyone is the future Trump administration cast of characters’ spotty track record with LGBT rights. Hence by having Jackie sing at the ceremony there will certainly be some focus on Juliet who will no doubt be present.

Word has it that the Trump transition team has had some trouble getting acts to volunteer as entertainment. I couldn’t possibly imagine why.

https://www.yahoo.com/music/meet-trump-inauguration-singer-jackie-evanchos-transgender-sister-juliet-062442693.html




the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…

feeling included

Yesterday I was ordering a coffee and a small sweet. At a certain point I mentioned to the young lady that I needed to be careful with the holidays coming up and how we typically tend to over indulge.

Then she proceeded to tell me how men and women gain weight differently and how "we" have an advantage over men in that "we" can be a little pudgier and it is less dangerous. Turns out she was a nursing student.

She was very friendly and I was enjoying the banter. It didn't validate me as a trans person because I have become accustomed to passing. But what struck me most is how it has become just matter of factly that I am going to be addressed and treated as a woman when I am out.

This helps me tremendously in managing my dysphoria and, without the trepidation and the worry, I can relax and be myself which only helps me pass even better.

Funny that now that I could care less either way, people take me at face value more than ever before.

conservative Christians and the 'the liberal agenda'

Using religion as a fa├žade to mask prejudice is a practice that is truly reprehensible.

The religious right uses their moral belief system to decry the “LGBT agenda” which is, according to them, presumably immoral. But this belief is based exactly on what evidence?

Are some transgender people involved in the sex trade? Yes

Are some cis-gendered people involved in the sex trade? Yes

Transgender people cover the gamut like the rest of society and we don’t make up a monolithic group. All you need to do is read the blogs on T-Central to see the stark differences in style, focus and content.

The religious right and now increasingly the white supremacist alt-right alongside them, are pushing back on what they like to term the “transgender agenda” which is of course part of the wider "liberal agenda". These agendas mostly consist of live and let live and let God do the judging. Hence I would tell these fickle Pharisees to mind their own beeswax and worry about their own lives but t…

"I want to see pictures"

Recently I received a statement via my blog contact form which simply stated “I want to see pictures”.

My immediate reaction was to be a little miffed because those of you who read my blog know that this is hardly its focus. For much the same reason I have politely declined to link to sites that promote crossdressing.

This website is mostly about coping with gender dysphoria and is now increasingly peppered with my observations on other matters. I am not trying to chronicle the more banal aspects of my personal life or detail my clothing purchases (although I have done this on occasion)but only because of my natural disinterest and not because I don't think that is a good thing.

Besides, other blogs do this far better than I ever could. So I hope those who expect something else understand that, for better or worse, this is who I am.

all hail Richard Spencer

Richard Spencer is one Ray-Ban wearing, preppy-coiffed dude and one of the spiritual leaders of the alt-right movement in the United States. Without mincing words, these people are white supremacists who end up trolling the internet with their message of hatred.

They denounce the liberal hatred of people like him while he ironically has little issues with ideas of Aryan supremacy and despising of blacks or jews. These are the types of people you normally find under a rock except that the Trump ascension has emboldened them.

Spencer gives speeches at Universities and greets his followers with Nazi salutes while crying “hail Trump, hail our people” and there is no confusing what "our people" means.

Donald Trump distances himself from these deplorables except that by picking up another alt-right acolyte in Steve Bannon he can hardly claim innocence. He has only just hand picked another brilliant choice for Secretary of state in the Putin-loving big oil CEO of Exxon Mobil Rex Ti…

we are everywhere

Transgender people are everywhere. They are your neighbours, your co-workers and even your family members and in the United States that number is estimated at approximately 1.4 million people; which is the population of a medium sized urban city.

This past Thursday, the National Center for Transgender Equality released the largest survey of U.S transgender people ever conducted and the results don’t surprise those of us who form part of this demographic.

Transgender people have been in hiding for millennia but now that is beginning to change and the more we are out, the better our prospects will be for the future…

http://time.com/4595422/transgender-survey-data-united-states/


appearances can be deceiving

This young man may look like your average uneducated working-class rural Trump voter but he is anything but. He very astutely puts his finger on the problem and even rejects the line that the alt-right movement is trying to feed him; namely that immigrants are responsible for him losing his job as a coal miner.

Seeing this young millenial gives me hope that the new generation will be able to see right through the pablum that is being fed to them by the current political system.

He picks up on American military and prison system spending and acknowledges how Nordic European countries tax more but then also look after their populace more effectively.

He's certainly no dummy to be sure...


summoning the courage

Coming out for me has been supremely slow but this is because I had invested so much energy in becoming someone I wasn't. Buying into a narrative that society expects is exhausting for someone who is transgender because you are constantly on alert to make sure you don’t out yourself.

For a time, the worst thing in the world becomes being discovered and you literally think your entire life will implode all around you should this occur. Except that for me, this devastating scenario never happened. Instead I have been greeted with understanding and support.

The other day I was reading a narrative of a 22 year old male who calls himself a crossdresser (which is odd for a millennial) and he went about describing in detail the extreme courage it took him to buy a pair of women's shoes. I could have found that amusing if I wasn’t for the fact that this described me perfectly at the same age. Everything was calculated to an extreme degree in order to avoid any suspicion.

I have come …

crossed wires part 2....

The other day I wrote about crossed wires and this post follows that one.

If gender dysphoria is graded (which I am all but certain that it is) then so will the impact on your sex life. This means that the milder your dysphoria the better you will be able to perform sexually as a male.

For a gynephilic gender dysphoric there is no such thing as “target location error”. This painfully stupid term has tried to advocate for the idea of an alternate form of sexuality when there is in fact no such thing. Instead what occurs is gender dysphoria actively conspiring to interfere with “normal” sexual functioning.

We are attracted to women but also want to emulate and be them. Hence the less dysphoric you are the better you will be able to lead a normal sex life with a female partner. This is why you will often see occasional crossdressers have little conflict with their everyday lives and their secret ones. They are able to compartmentalize them more effectively.

Among his high intensity trans…

an end to plutocracy

I was very glad to see that the Austrians chose to elect a left leaning president. Had the populist right wing candidate won, it would have signaled a new openness in Europe towards the alt-right movement which rejects minorities and anyone that is different.

Brexit was in part motivated by this type of thinking whereby ordinary working class Britons feared a loss of their autonomy and all things traditionally British. Some of them pined for a return to a world that no longer exists and this vote was seen as a way to stem the tide. Such is the frustration among the working class which also impacted the US elections.

We can see that we are at a global crossroads where the world’s resources are very unevenly parsed out. My own city continues to see a rise of destitute people as do many of yours. It would be easy to blame these people are freeloaders but the truth is that the marginalized increasingly have less places to go.

In America many of the jobs no one wanted were taken by Mexican…

human desire

Eliminating desire is a good thing.

I think that human desire fools us into thinking that what we currently possess is not good enough and invites us to think that our neighbor has it better. By being happy and content where you are now is probably the best way to take full advantage of the moment and relish it for its true worth.

I have been guilty in my life of not following this principle but I am endeavoring more and more to change that. Realizing that where I am in life is a good place is the best way to lessen desire to be somewhere else.

This all relates to the idea of mindfulness which is not a new concept. Living in the present moment can save us an incredible amount of anguish as we take full advantage of the reality that the past cannot be changed and the future we stress about has not yet arrived.

I prefer to now focus on learning from past mistakes while not dwelling on them and using that past experience to craft a better way forward with a more positive spirit.


low hum

I very much enjoyed reading 30 year old Amy’s post on her transition experience (featured by Calie yesterday on T Central) because it was brutally honest and devoid of window dressing. It was candid and chronicled both the good and bad aspects of transition in a way we don't often see.

In the end it illustrates that, for people with severe gender dysphoria, transition is not a choice but a necessity.

I used to think myself unfortunate for being on the cusp of needing to transition but not quite there; of being stuck in an uneasy middle. But like Amy has done I accept where I am on the spectrum. She doesn’t glorify the process but calls it for what it is.

A change this drastic requires courage but it is more driven, I think , by the less desireable alternative of living with the intense discomfort of having your identity not match your physicality.

I also think that a full transition is best done when young and before the ravages of a lived life and testosterone have had a full sta…

Jennifer Boylan letter to the New York Times

While not normally a huge fan of hers I must admit that this letter she penned for the New York Times absolutely hits the mark...

"It was the morning after the election. The bottle of Champagne I’d opened as part of an anticipated victory celebration still sat on the coffee table, only one-third finished, the unconsumed flat remainder marking the exact moment that my future, as a transgender American, became uncertain.

I wanted to hear Hillary Clinton’s concession speech, but she was late to the podium. On TV, a commentator speculated that Mrs. Clinton had lost because of her party’s focus on things like trans rights — “boutique issues,” they were called.

A boutique — a place where you’d shop for, say, artisan pantyhose — is not the first place I’d associate with an individual’s quest for equal protection under the law, but then what did I know? I was now one of the people from whom the country had been “taken back.”

The phrase echoed unpleasantly in my mind. A boutique issue? Is …

the lessons of history

Globally we have created an economic situation that cannot continue to exist. The presumption was that through globalization entire societies would prosper through free trade of goods and services which would then expand the wealth and advancement of those nations. But instead the opposite has happened and a small percentage of individuals have expanded their wealth and now control the vast majority of the planet’s resources.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that many people in this world are not going to be generous of spirit by nature and, when push comes to shove they will choose pure profit over an option that also considers what is best for the society as a whole.

When FDR was president, Americans paid far more tax than they do today and they benefited from The New Deal as well as the GI Bill which allowed many American soldiers to go to school free of charge and then raise their families thus creating a prosperous middle class.

In this new deregulated global environment, t…

randy rainbow interviews....

.....Melania Trump and I challenge you not to laugh...

little steps

In a Canadian first, Morgane Oger became the first ever transgender woman to be nominated by a major party as the chosen candidate to run for public office in British Columbia. In this case it was the New Democratic Party of Canada.

Little steps….

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/morgane-oger-historic-nomination-bc-ndp-1.3870285



some people you just want to slap silly

I know a little bit about people like Denise Shick because my own sister is involved in a right wing religious organization that has nothing better to do than pronounce themselves on things they know nothing about.

Not surprisingly, Ms Shick has no personal experience with gender dysphoria other than at some point in her life her father transitioned and she never forgave that particular indiscretion. For the record, The Federalist is another right-leaning website that also loves to pontificate on issues they know nothing about.

At this point I would like nothing better than to let Ms Shick have a taste of what gender dysphoria feels like for a few months and am certain she would change her tune awfully quickly. But such is the way the world works where more often than not it is the people least qualified to speak on a subject that are the most vociferous.

She somehow cannot see the connection between a releasing of social stigma and transgender people coming out of the woodwork and pr…

crossed wires....

After reading literally hundreds of narratives from transgender people over the years, I have come to two undeniable conclusions. First, no one asks to be transgender and second, for those that are heterosexual, it is unavoidable that the dysphoric feelings will become sexualized at puberty.

I have pondered the second one at great length and I feel it is impossible for the conflict of wanting to be female while simultaneously being drawn to one sexually, to not affect the psychosexual development. Puberty is the point at which our sexual identity is being cemented and the dysphoria simply tags along for the ride. How many of you have had the experience of looking at a beautiful woman and simultaneously desiring her but also to be her? for this is a universal theme that I have read over and over and have of course experienced first hand.

Understanding this mechanism is important because we grew up in a time of sexual repression and with little to no access to reliable information. The …

the alt-right direction

Of late I have taken a keener interest than normal in politics. The Trump election has been a big reason but also there are signs that even internationally we are headed into dangerous waters.

The alt-right (or alternative right) movement has been gaining ground in some parts of the world and, emboldened by internet anonymity and an appetite for rhetoric, they have found an audience among some disgruntled white men who view the encroachment of foreigners into their territory as anathema.

Make no mistake in that these are white supremacists who pine for a society devoid of visible minorities, jews or any other group that threatens their vision of a “Leave it to Beaver” world that no longer exists. Most are not religious and in fact their viewpoint contrasts sharply with the idea of love of neighbour which forms an inherent part of most faiths.

Trump’s adoption of Steve Bannon (of slimy Breibart news fame) as a political advisor has certainly not helped matters and there are videos on…

blocking everyone else out

Sorting yourself out after many years of formulating shifting narratives about what causes your gender variance and how to grapple with it can be a daunting task. I am also not certain that there is a perfect resolution to dysphoria in every case. Yes some people transition but it doesn’t go equally well for everyone. Hence there are those who you would think should be deliriously happy with the results and yet are left with ambiguous feelings while others thrive.

This is why I maintain here that creating a unique formula for yourself is superior to following a narrative that doesn't fit you. Life isn't a on-off switch analogous to an all or nothing proposition and the hardest part of the puzzle seems to be embracing that you are different from the rest of the world.

What makes this task a little easier today is that society is, on the whole, more tolerant and educated on most topics than its ever been. So while it’s no picnic to be transgender it is a better time than ever an…

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

corporate media stays on message

Yes I know I am on the election again but God how I love Jimmy Dore and now Bernie Sanders even more.

These corporate media drones interviewing him are blaming Bernie for running an honest campaign and doing his best to fight for his principles. Watch this video and see how corporate media obfuscates and does its best to ignore the elephant in the room which is that Hillary Clinton lost to a misogynistic blowhard who had no business even being close to the White House if they had run a better candidate against him.

They do everything but throw the kitchen sink at Bernie who stands his ground and sticks to his social justice mantra. Good for him!


growing up lacking information

If you are going to manage your dysphoria without transition you need to develop a tolerance for an almost schizophrenic type existence. This means fully embracing gender behavior that clearly falls outside of the norm (which I now have by necessity). However, in spite of my high level of self-acceptance, there are still times I distress at how difficult this can be.

I don’t need or desire transition however my level of dysphoria will not be quenched with a once a month or even once a week outing. This has meant doing away with the idea of having a normal life and permitting the management of my dysphoria in whatever way works. This has been the price of being caught in an uncomfortable middle.

On my bad days I wish that I could push a button and have it all go away. But then on the good days I think that being this way has helped forge my character as a person. This is what I told my friend Lyne the other day over coffee as she struggles with some work and personal issues.

I always …

untenable

You cannot run a country where the platforms of the political parties are based primarily on wedge issues because it’s a recipe for implosion. Guns, religion, abortion and immigration have been allowed to dominate the political landscape in the U.S.

For historical examples I need to look no further than Europe in the 12th through 18th centuries for dangerous alliances between the church and governments as well as provisions for special interests which felled imperial powers over that time. My own rigidly Catholic Spain suffered a blow from which it has yet to recover.

This is a dangerous period for the current global power as divergences among its own electorate threaten to aggravate wounds which could escalate an already healthy level of mistrust. The rural and working classes pitted against an urban and professional class who increasingly lives in a different world. Trump somehow managed to sell the disenfranchised blue collar white males that he was going to bring them prosperity b…

waking the sleeping giant

You need nerves of steel to face society when you attempt to transgress their rules and regulations but that is the price to pay for being transgender. At a certain point the urgency to address your gender issues supersedes your fear and you must act or face health consequences.

4 in 10 of us attempts or succeeds at suicide but this should never be what we need to resort to in order to lead genuine lives.

I was one of the lucky ones in that the strength of my dysphoria coupled with a solid upbringing with 2 loving parents likely made the difference. However living in silence for over 40 years almost crushed me. Therefore I worry about our community in this reversal of fortune in the United States for there are many forces at play.

You have TERFS, Evangelical and conservative Christians plus the exclusionary and racist elements of society conspiring to erode the rights we have gained. I would be greatly despondent to see suicides go up among the young due to this emboldening of the lun…

creating your own treatment plan

Erica Elizabeth Ravenwood does a magnificent job of explaining the types of gender dysphoria. She describes so well the false persona syndrome that most of us go through until we come to self acceptance. Also the errors that we can make in downplaying our dysphoria by for example thinking "I am only a crossdresser".

I have applied much of what she says to my own life over time although this is the first time I found this video.

Well worth a view in my opinion....

little masterpiece

Denis Villeneuve has created a little masterpiece.

The Quebec director has made a highly artistic and moving work wrapped in the guise of a science fiction film unlike any I have ever seen; save perhaps for Stanley Kubrick's 1968 classic "2001 A Space Odyssey".

This is not standard fare and I left the theatre moved and affected by the atmosphere he created. I am predicting a best film nomination for "Arrival" as well as a best actress nod to Amy Adams who does a stellar job here.

9.8/10 and a must see.


it's never perfect...

Life is a constant series of compromises and adjustments and it’s never perfect. We think we know what we want but we often don’t and many of us try to make a life for ourselves that is a reflection of our mind’s eye.

I think the secret to life might be to live with imperfection and accept our limitations as human beings.

I have made some mistakes in my life and continue to make them but I am striving more and more to forgive myself for my frailties and even find comfort that in them I have learnt something. I need to let go and just continue pushing forward without struggling too much because life will sometimes just take you places you didn’t think you would end up in.

I thought my life would take a different direction and I have ended up surprising myself.

Very little of where I am today was deliberately planned but perhaps a result of a series of adjustments; much the way a sailor might adjust to the prevailing wind. Eventually he gets to his destination but with a series of ma…

family acceptance

You have to feel for Roxy as she tried her best all her life to conform to family expectation only to be rejected once she transitioned. It was a case of conditional love in her case which is so unfortunate. But wouldn't you know there was a silver lining where she least expected it....


panacea

We are all different as is the strength of our cross gender feelings but the transgender movement has been big on promoting the idea of transition as a cure-all panacea. However, many of us including borderline transsexuals like myself, could manage by incorporating a healthy dose of gender non-conformity into our lives and be relatively happy.

One of the historical obstacles to this approach had gender non-conformity being seen as an unacceptable solution to dysphoria. We associated it with sexual deviance and even saw fit to arrest people who dared to crossdress in public. Therefore before surgery was possible (and even after) many transgender people chose to live as the other gender in stealth rather than risk unacceptable gender behaviour and the persecution that inevitably came with it.

As we have expanded the acceptability of a wider range of gender expression, it should be logical to assume that less people will opt for a complete transition and by freeing the person to be them…

keeping things in perspective

I used to be very disconcerted by the stares of people. This goes back to when I was very young and painfully shy. I always assumed that they were finding some fault with me when in fact it was the self-consciousness which invited attention.

Today I go about my business and stare anyone down who has a problem with me. But as it turns out it almost never happens because people can detect the self-assuredness. Growing up is not easy even when one is not transgender but I somehow managed to do it. I didn’t take anxiety pills and grinned and bared myself through to adulthood. I can look back now more dispassionately but it was so stress inducing for the longest time.

I tell my son now that the human spirit can take more than we think and I know I am right because I am living proof of it. In truth is that there are far bigger problems in the world than being gender dysphoric and that helps keep things in perspective.

I listened to the radio the other day and heard the story of a young epi…

the new age of demagoguery

Henceforth demagogues are going to have an easier time of it because we live in an era of subjective truth. Whatever you believe will have you find your kindred spirits out there in cyberspace.

This is what allowed Donald Trump to win the presidential election and will embolden the more subversive elements of society to think his victory represents approval of their ideas. Immediately following the election there was reporting of random acts of violence against muslims.

We are entering dangerous territory here and it’s driving a bigger wedge between progressives and regressives (read GOP here or other right leaning party). You don't believe in climate change? Don't worry you will find a pseudoscientist willing to endorse your position.

In the early to middle part of the with century we suffered from the lack of free propagation of information which allowed people like Mussolini or Hitler to control the masses by feeding and withholding in order to advance their agenda. Today i…

I know who I am

I've known for quite a long time now that I fit Harry Benjamin’s type IV non-transitioning transsexual almost perfectly. This individual is described as someone who does not desire surgery but remains with a level of dysphoria that must be managed therefore dresses as often as possible and lives in both gender roles.

While this used to be distressing to me it no longer is because I have embraced my identity completely. I am an example of someone who can make it work and not transition.

Finding out who you are can take a long time particularly if you live in that grey zone like I always have. So while I fully support transition for those who need it I am convinced that it is possible to live without it; at least for those who fit my typology.

I have tremendous will power which has helped me to manage my dysphoria for 54 years and I strongly believe I am going to continue to live this way as long as God allows me to draw breath in this world.

hallelujah

Two days ago Montreal's poet and songwriter Leonard Cohen passed away in los Angeles at the age of 82. The same age that my father would have been were he still alive.

Impromptu vigils were organised in the neighborhood near St-Laurent boulevard where Cohen grew up and people sang his songs tthroughout the night.

He was not blessed with a great voice but he was a complex and deep soul with a gift for poetic turn of phrase which allowed him to pen profoundly moving little works of art.

Other artists had more critical success recording his music which is a testament to the quality of the composition.

May he rest in peace...





you either caused your dysphoria or you didn't

There are only two possible scenarios:

1) You caused your own dysphoria
2) The dysphoria is pre-existing

If you believe that number 1 is true then you should be able to exert some measure of control and even eradicate it completely perhaps through therapy. However if you believe that number 2 is true then your approach becomes one of managing a reality that you have only partial control over.

After studying this subject for many years now and getting to know myself I know that number 2 is correct; at least for me. This is why I have so stridently fought the sexual depravity model which aims on putting blame on us for causing our own problems.

Two posts ago, I wrote about understanding your value and if you believe that number 2 is true then you must accept your reality, embrace it and not feel sorry for yourself. If transition is what will make you happy then go for it but know that there are a myriad of options that can also work.

I used to believe that number 1 was true and so I pr…

more on the Trump victory

I wasn't going to write another post on Trump but I couldn't help it because there was simply more to say. You see, Michael Moore hit the nail on the head and you can read his reasoning in the link below.

Clearly the "Angry White Man" vote came out in droves plus the people who didn't trust or like Hillary Clinton and perhaps were disenthused with Bernie's derailment stayed away or voted third party. That is why this man-child is going to be president for the next four years.

But I do still have hope that there will be reform ahead because the American people are resourceful, intelligent and decent. I think they just have to stop making elections about things like race, religion, abortion, guns and immigration and they need to go back and focus on infrastructure, health care and the economy. The hatred that has built up over this election is greater than anything I have ever witnessed and is akin to a type of social war built along rural-urban lines which ref…

america's middle finger

Michael Moore and Jimmy Dore were correct: the disenfranchised wanted a populist but instead they got Donald Trump.

The Dems did this to themselves when they didn’t pick up the signals from the population and saw fit to derail the Sanders campaign. I know Bernie well because Vermont borders Quebec and over the years I saw a hard-working, honest and intelligent man who cared deeply about fairness and correcting injustices.

Americans voted instead for an opportunistic narcissist who promised to “Make America Great Again” without actually specifying what that means and he was spurred on by an internet echo chamber where one gets the news they want to hear and where fact-checking is optional if not outright discouraged. Most of what Trump said over his campaign was replete with false hoods.

Half of America now hates the other half because they have turned elections into referendums on social wedge issues instead of concentrating on sound fiscal policy and helping to bolster the downtrodde…

knowing your value

I have read so many stories over the years and have come to understand the particular circumstances that each of us lives with. You can literally group the narratives into categories because so many are eerily similar.

The most important thing I have retained from all of them is that not every one of us understands our value within your relationships and it’s not hard to see why. You love your partners deeply but are conflicted with just how much of your transgender nature is allowed to peer through.

Some spouses are kept entirely in the dark and disclosure would mean certain divorce. Others know but don’t want to acknowledge it. Another group lets their partner have their outings and doesn’t participate while the next level up actually tags along. Finally there is the accepting spouse who stays even after transition whether surgical or not (this case being the rare exception).

Yes our situations are different but the one I find most unfortunate involves the transgender person being i…

beyond ugly

No matter who wins on November 9th it’s been an ugly, infantile and embarrassing debacle of a campaign. In my lifetime I have never seen a race for the presidency of the United States reach this low level of discourse which has reveled in xenophobia, sexual innuendo and juvenile statements more at home in a middle school than the political arena.

Donald Trump represents an embarrassment of astronomic proportions and is now resorting to saying that he doesn’t believe that humankind can impact climate with carbon emissions. All this for the pleasure of accomodating his extreme right wing base.

Even if Clinton manages to get in by the thinnest of margins the country is more deeply divided than ever along urban and rural lines which mirror the wedge issues that Republicans decided to go with approximately two decades ago. They have picked up all the gun nuts, racists and extreme right conservative Christian types who sit in their shelters waiting for the next Rapture. Its almost a reversa…

you can't rush a turtle

I am now in my eighth year of coming out as trans and yes I am aware that this is a long time. It is also the only way I know how.

A colleague and friend I have known since 1990 was told two Saturdays ago that a few years ago I had made initial inquiries with HR about how a possible transition might be viewed. Their response back then was that it was up to me and to their knowledge my company of over 6,000 didn't have any other transitioned people although I know that statistically there must be some in hiding or simply in stealth.

My friend was a little taken aback because although he knows about my dysphoria he was surprised I would make such an inquiry. That option is now off the table but it felt good to disclose it. Such has been my experience with the people I trust in that my friendship with them has been validated. In my wildest dreams would I ever have foreseen being able to do this in the past.

There has been such an organic flow to healing my psyche and reinventing myse…

thoroughly impressed

I am so impressed by the reaction of this transgender opera singer's wife that it literally floors me.

I know instinctively that if the roles were reversed it wouldn't work the same way prompting me to think that perhaps women are better at seeing the whole person….

an important distinction

This post is prompted by the recent featured post on T-Central from the blog of someone who identifies as a healing crossdresser. It is not about making judgments or trying to separate us into groups but there are differences in our respective histories that bear pointing out and one of them is the age at which we first realized that there was something not quite right with our gender identity; or perhaps more appropriately: how it clashed with expectation.

I remember being 3 or 4 years old and having my mother scold me about wearing her shoes and up until then not realizing that I was supposed to be a boy. That incident marked me for life and will forever be forged in my memory. Henceforth my dressing went underground and was relegated to times when I would not be seen.

I have always had gender dysphoria and don’t know what it is like to exist without it. Had I not been dysphoric I would have had little interest in seeking out crossdressing as a coping mechanism and I did my utmost t…