Skip to main content

feeding and starving gender dysphoria

I don't know if there are people who read this blog who still believe that the transgender condition is something to be repressed, controlled or even eradicated. This is something I strongly subscribed to for a good portion of my life. I no longer feel this is possible unless you are a recreational crossdresser (although I personally don't know of any) or eliminate your dysphoria outright through full transition.

With respects to management there are two important aspects: one is your right to express yourself and the other is how that expression affects those around you. This is a very delicate balance of give and take that hinges on the tolerance level of our partners, friends and extended family members. I have read so many varying stories here that there seems to be no perfect model.

The hardest part of this balancing act is being able to feed the demands of your dysphoria without caving in to it completely. This is no easy task but with compromise you might find an arrangement that works even if imperfectly. This involves monitoring how it ebbs and flows and knowing when to feed and when to starve it.

If you are still at the early stages of self acceptance you will find my words difficult to digest because your goal might still be partial or complete eradication of your feelings which I have come to realize is not possible. I believe the best approach couples complete self acceptance with a management formula that respects your life commitments. What that formula is, of course, depends on you.

I still see the odd site out there that proposes curing crossdressing as the key to personal salvation but the problem is that this is the opposite of what a gender dysphoric needs to hear as dressing is part of the management of gender dysphoria. What I have found in my own life is that suppression leads to stress, depression and unhappiness.

When you find that balance point everything will fall into place. If it were simple it wouldn't take so long but be patient with yourself and things will ultimately work for you.


  1. I agree with you and I am giving into mine. I have decided I will stop crossdressing as a boy and live as I am.... a girl.

    1. only you know best Susan. Best of luck!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

prejudice disguised as objective rectitude

So here is Professor Jordan Peterson perhaps justly calling out the excesses of political correctness gone mad. But then he extends it to not indulging transgender people the basic dignity of being addressed in their preferred pronoun. To do so for him would cost nothing and to stand on literal principle seems to serve little use other than to send a message of disdain.

If you have transitioned or even live as the opposite gender is costs me nothing to address you in your preferred pronouns. What difference does it make to me and what am I trying to tell you when I don't?

Peterson wants to stand on his rights to call reality what it is except that in this case the exact objective escapes me. But of course the right wing Federalist is in love with him because he calls a spade a spade.

If I see a rock I can call it that but then the rock doesn’t have any feelings. To address a transgender woman "her" and "she" is not undermining my rights as a person in any way b…

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…