Skip to main content


Yesterday N asked me if I would ever transition if she were not in the picture. My answer was an emphatic no.

I have reflected on this question many times and the conclusion has been the same every time. While there are advantages to living your life in one form I don't see how it would improve so drastically by transitioning to full time living.

I seemed to have fused both male and female animas into a formula that works even if that formula is not perfect. There might always be a little nagging question of what if but I chalk that up to the gender dysphoria. I have gotten to know how it works and what I need to do to feed its demands.

The best tool in my arsenal has been to be completely honest with myself and truly reflect on what is required. Life is never perfect for anyone and while we may have gender issues others grapple with depression or physical illnesses.

My having developed a perfect comfort with clothing, makeup and mannerisms has been pivotal and all that practice didn't go to waste. I have long ago outgrown the confines of my own space and my female persona must exist in the real world in order for me to feel whole.

It feels very much like I have attained a comfortable plateau where I can continue to exist indefinitely and this is extremely reassuring to me.


  1. I am with you. I do have my days where it hurts a bit to be in the middle knowing how much energy it takes to spend time at each end but when all is said and done, I won't move from where I am today. Happy New Year!

    1. Glad to hear it Leann...all the best for this new year

  2. While I'm sure we both agree a trans person should do whatever they want - vis a vis transition, I can't tell you how emphatically I believe that yours is the correct path for your/our particular transgender profile. When I say 'correct' I mean - 'all things considered and evaluating happiness long term - this is the path most likely to lead to stability and happiness.' You can accept that you are female - or part female - but that doesn't mean you must do x, y and z... you take your time and find the best path - which must always be a compromise between the reality of your female soul and the reality of your male body. Anyway, happy new year...

  3. Replies
    1. and a Happy New Year to you as well Felix. Yes I do think I have definitely reached a place of comfort where I can exist and be happy. Took long enough! all the best to you for 2016 and keep on writing!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

prejudice disguised as objective rectitude

So here is Professor Jordan Peterson perhaps justly calling out the excesses of political correctness gone mad. But then he extends it to not indulging transgender people the basic dignity of being addressed in their preferred pronoun. To do so for him would cost nothing and to stand on literal principle seems to serve little use other than to send a message of disdain.

If you have transitioned or even live as the opposite gender is costs me nothing to address you in your preferred pronouns. What difference does it make to me and what am I trying to tell you when I don't?

Peterson wants to stand on his rights to call reality what it is except that in this case the exact objective escapes me. But of course the right wing Federalist is in love with him because he calls a spade a spade.

If I see a rock I can call it that but then the rock doesn’t have any feelings. To address a transgender woman "her" and "she" is not undermining my rights as a person in any way b…

"Oh please its 2016!"

I have mentioned before that I have a lovely young couple living above the unit next to mine. Well the other day as I was getting in the door, she and I overlapped for the first time with me dressed as a woman.

We had a nice conversation and at some point I mentioned the obvious which was that I had told her future husband that they might see me in a different guise from time to time so they wouldn't wonder about who the strange woman was. She just looked at me almost rolling her eyes while smiling from ear to ear and said:

"Oh Please it's 2016!"

For the record she was also very complementary regarding my choice of attire.

I could care less at this point in my life what people think but it is still lovely to see the millennial generation's freedom of spirit and acceptance so lacking in previous generations. Yes they have their own foibles, as does every generation, but this area certainly isn't one of them.

the pseudoscience behind gender dysphoria

The real science as to what causes gender dysphoria still awaits.

Harry Benjamin was on to something except he didn’t have the scientific evidence to back up his suspicions hence, like a true scientist, he negated to draw conclusions. His hunch, based on treating so many patients over his lifetime, was that one is born with a predisposition to be gender dysphoric.

However, with inconclusive brain scans and no DNA marker (as of yet) we are left with believing the word of people who need help and only want to lead happy and productive lives.

The best we have been able to muster since Benjamin's death in 1986 was to amass statistics on who gets a boner imagining themselves as a woman which is in equal parts pathetic and disappointing. For this is not really science at all but is instead playing with interview data that doesn't point to anything definitive or conclusive. I have dealt with this problem at great length in my blog.

The whole thing started with Kurt Freund's obses…