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plateau

Yesterday N asked me if I would ever transition if she were not in the picture. My answer was an emphatic no.

I have reflected on this question many times and the conclusion has been the same every time. While there are advantages to living your life in one form I don't see how it would improve so drastically by transitioning to full time living.

I seemed to have fused both male and female animas into a formula that works even if that formula is not perfect. There might always be a little nagging question of what if but I chalk that up to the gender dysphoria. I have gotten to know how it works and what I need to do to feed its demands.

The best tool in my arsenal has been to be completely honest with myself and truly reflect on what is required. Life is never perfect for anyone and while we may have gender issues others grapple with depression or physical illnesses.

My having developed a perfect comfort with clothing, makeup and mannerisms has been pivotal and all that practice didn't go to waste. I have long ago outgrown the confines of my own space and my female persona must exist in the real world in order for me to feel whole.

It feels very much like I have attained a comfortable plateau where I can continue to exist indefinitely and this is extremely reassuring to me.

Comments

  1. I am with you. I do have my days where it hurts a bit to be in the middle knowing how much energy it takes to spend time at each end but when all is said and done, I won't move from where I am today. Happy New Year!

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    Replies
    1. Glad to hear it Leann...all the best for this new year

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  2. While I'm sure we both agree a trans person should do whatever they want - vis a vis transition, I can't tell you how emphatically I believe that yours is the correct path for your/our particular transgender profile. When I say 'correct' I mean - 'all things considered and evaluating happiness long term - this is the path most likely to lead to stability and happiness.' You can accept that you are female - or part female - but that doesn't mean you must do x, y and z... you take your time and find the best path - which must always be a compromise between the reality of your female soul and the reality of your male body. Anyway, happy new year...

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  3. Replies
    1. and a Happy New Year to you as well Felix. Yes I do think I have definitely reached a place of comfort where I can exist and be happy. Took long enough! all the best to you for 2016 and keep on writing!

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