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thrift shop

The first site I ever went to in search of an elusive cure for my gender conflict was a compuserve site dealing with eliminating or at least managing crossdressing desires. I would go the site sporadically looking for some nugget that I might have missed the first time I visited.

I reckon this must have been the mid 1990’s and the fledgling days of the internet.

Here I was holding my breath for extended periods, relapsing and then throwing everything I had just purchased in the bin. I laugh at myself now over this and look back on this period as part of my education process in becoming a complete and healthy person.

We all have taboos and road blocks that we create for ourselves thinking that our lives will be better afterwards. But here I was rejecting something which would eventually become the most powerful tool in my arsenal in managing my gender dysphoria.

I cannot imagine every going back if for no other reason than I would become my old wreck of a self and the experience has taught me so much about examining the sacred cows we hold dear but don’t question.

N and I will sometimes go to the thrift shop and we will joke about some item of clothing. She will occasionally throw out a reference that this might suit Joanna more than her. I now laugh but then I think back to how utterly unthinkable that all used to be.

A thrift shop recycles clothing and gives them new life in the hands if a new owner. What a wonderful analogy as inspiration to re-examining ideas and concepts that you thought were false or impossible to reconcile with your previous views of how your life should be.


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“So how is it going on that front. Meet anyone interesting lately?”

I reflected for a moment and then said:

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She leaned in a bit and told me to please go ahead.

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She looked at me and smiled and said:

“Really? That’s so neat”

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Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

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Being transgender isn't exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality

If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

That is why I say to those who are still concerned about what outsiders who haven’t lived your personal experience have to say about you should l…