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thrift shop

The first site I ever went to in search of an elusive cure for my gender conflict was a compuserve site dealing with eliminating or at least managing crossdressing desires. I would go the site sporadically looking for some nugget that I might have missed the first time I visited.

I reckon this must have been the mid 1990’s and the fledgling days of the internet.

Here I was holding my breath for extended periods, relapsing and then throwing everything I had just purchased in the bin. I laugh at myself now over this and look back on this period as part of my education process in becoming a complete and healthy person.

We all have taboos and road blocks that we create for ourselves thinking that our lives will be better afterwards. But here I was rejecting something which would eventually become the most powerful tool in my arsenal in managing my gender dysphoria.

I cannot imagine every going back if for no other reason than I would become my old wreck of a self and the experience has taught me so much about examining the sacred cows we hold dear but don’t question.

N and I will sometimes go to the thrift shop and we will joke about some item of clothing. She will occasionally throw out a reference that this might suit Joanna more than her. I now laugh but then I think back to how utterly unthinkable that all used to be.

A thrift shop recycles clothing and gives them new life in the hands if a new owner. What a wonderful analogy as inspiration to re-examining ideas and concepts that you thought were false or impossible to reconcile with your previous views of how your life should be.


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