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what you deserve

I think that any partner worth having would understand our situation. I really do.

No I am not talking about suddenly announcing that you are a woman and need to have gender reassignment surgery after 20 years of marriage. I am talking more about accepting that you are a transgender person and want to be able to accommodate that within the context of a partnership.

I think that the truly right person would be able to understand that this is not a choice for us and would do the best to accommodate provided we did the same.

Some of us are in this type of couple arrangement but most are not. Many are in the closet hoping not to be found out while feeling the pressure of dysphoria increasing as we age. Not an easy thing to live with.

My marriage did not survive my coming out but in retrospect it could not have worked out better. I hope she feels the same and now that we have been divorced for 7 years the animosity is all gone and we can talk again like normal adults about the lives of our children.

I am now with an understanding partner who I love dearly.

It is possible to find a balance point to a seemingly unresolvable situation but when I was in my most desperate times I could not see the doorway out. I clung to a marriage that did not work and thought that this would be the best thing for all involved.

I could not have been more wrong.

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If being transgender were exclusively a problem of aberrant sexuality, then I would seem to be an exception to the rule.

To date I have lived my life like a choir boy and have had low libido throughout. I have yet to ever see a porn film and both my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend complained about my lack of sex drive. I also knew I was different from a very young age.

This is why the accusation that male to female transgender persons attracted to women are perverts doesn’t hold much water with me. I was mortified when I hit puberty and realized that my desire to be female had taken on sexual overtones and I ended up, like most of you, repeatedly throwing things in the bin as a repudiation. In fact, accepting that my sexuality has been permanently impacted was the hardest pill to swallow in my journey to become a fully realized transgender person.

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