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becoming jaded

When I was young I did not question authority very much although I possessed the intellect to do so I took the approach that things must be structured this way for a reason. My religious instruction helped to solidify that idea and it took me time to begin to question my black and white world.

Now I have the opposite problem in that I tend to see through things easily and my life experience has given me the toolkit to be able to quickly dissect through camouflage.

This is both good and bad as one tends to become jaded with age and even cranky. I know N accuses me of this sometimes and she isn’t entirely wrong. I tend to downplay and criticize things sometimes and need to stop myself for fear of becoming too cynical.

Some of that cynicism was forged in my early years when I saw behavior of people that did not fit with the kind of charity that I was expecting. Perhaps as a way of making up for my silence back then I now overcompensate with snarky commentary where maybe saying nothing might be more apropos.

Now that I am well entrenched in my 50’s my next challenge is to remain optimistic, hopeful and try to undo some of the cynicism that the déjà vu that life inevitably brings.


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