Skip to main content

interactions with others

I enjoy interactions with people when I am out and about as Joanna.

The other day I was sitting next to two young women. One had a young baby and the other was clearly expecting. In looking over and smiling we began a brief exchange which led to my offering some parental tips. They assumed I was a mother and I did nothing to correct them. The entire conversation couldn't have lasted 5 minutes and yet it is these interactions and others that make my outings more intetesting and rewarding.

People who know me ask how I am and I do the same with them. In establishing a public identity this is what happens. You are recognized and greeted. This is in sharp contrast to my first timid outings in my early twenties where I would dread such interactions for fear of disclosure.

The biggest change, besides creeping age of course, has been my ability to embrace who I am. This has made a tremendous difference in my level of happiness and has spread to my entire life: male or female mode.

Your identity as a human being doesn't reside in your genitals it resides in your mind and soul. Whatever physical form that takes is up to you but you just have to honor that nature in order to feel whole. The great thing is that this is something that you get to define and not society at large.

Be yourself and do what feels right. Respect others and treat them the way you would like them to treat you and be amazed at how they interact with you.

There is a young woman at one of the Payless stores I have frequented who comes to me and gives me a hug upon seeing me. That is worth more than money.





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

looking past cross gender arousal

Jack’s latest Crossdreamers post got me thinking about cross gender arousal and how it could be avoided; also whether it even matters. This with particular focus on the inability to relate of someone on the outside looking in.

You see, sexuality is a very complicated thing to begin with and when you then add gender identity ambiguity it becomes a recipe to really confuse someone.

So imagine that you are a little boy who identifies as a girl but then along comes puberty and short circuits everything by having the sex you identify with also be the sex you are attracted to. For in essence this is what happens to all all male to female gender dysphoric trans persons who are attracted to women.

So I ask myself: can I imagine a scenario where this inherent contradiction would not produce sexual confusion? The answer is that I cannot.

I am in the unique position, like many of you, to have experienced an early identification with the feminine become sexualized later on. This brought confusion…

understanding the erotic component

I have written about crossed wires before in two separate posts. The idea is that one cannot pass through puberty and the development of sexual feelings for females and not have your pre-existing gender dysphoria be impacted through your psychosexual development. The hormone responsible for your libido is testosterone which is present in much stronger concentration in males and is why gynephilics are most likely to experience erotic overtones as the conflict between romantic external feelings and their pull towards the feminine become permanently intertwined.

Because I came from a deeply religious family where sex was not discussed much at all, I grew up with little access to information and was very much ignorant of matters relating to the subject. With no firsthand experience in intercourse until I married I was then faced with the reality that my ability to perform sexually had been deeply impacted by my dysphoric feelings. This began years of turmoil and self-deprecating thoughts …

a blending

An interesting thing is happening to me: as I have fully embraced being transgender my male and female anima are becoming blended. The female side is no longer an unwelcome appendage which, as a result, has allowed me to craft a more genuine and happier male image.

I dress when I want to and sometimes I cut outings shorter than before. I am my own master in this regard and feel in control.

Don't get me wrong in that the dysphoria is not going away and is sometimes like a wild stallion that threatens to jump the fence but I have learnt to understand it’s demands after all these years hence a transition for me is definitely not in the cards. At this point I am not even foreseeing a social one.

The two sides are no longer in conflict and they are now intertwined to create a fusion that is unique to me. That answer finally came when I reached a full level of self assurance about who I am and learned to embrace that I am trans and yes, that includes my dysphoria's erotic undertones…