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one of our biggest challenges

Reading Stana’s post from this morning got me thinking about one of the main problems that we transgender people face when our brain gender identification does not line up with our orientation. Most of us don’t marry thinking that we are going to try and deceive our spouses in fact quite the contrary; we think we can eliminate the feelings or at least manage them through periodic crossdressing or in some other manner.

The problem is that as we age the feelings seem to intensify and we are tired of fighting back the tide. The urge to live truly honestly as close to our mind’s ideal can become almost overwhelming.

For those who want to save their marriages there are no simple answers. Gender dysphoria is a powerful beast that demands our attention and doesn’t seem to care about our existing life situation. It has a mind of its own at times.

This is one of those areas where there are no right answers and you are up against the reality of making a decision that is less than perfect. The only way to have it both ways is to compromise to a level where you are left less than ecstatic but at least happy and still with your partner.

Rare are the cases where the woman is accepting to the degree that many of us would like but that is entirely understandable and I have many times put myself mentally in their place. I would think exactly as they do.

My situation ended in divorce but even now I am careful not to overlap N with Joanna because its just not a workable scenario. To get to where I am now took years of trial and error and is the best compromise I have found to deal with my dysphoria and still be able to be with someone I can love and who loves me in return.

I always go back to the idea that life is never perfect and the solutions never quite as clean as we would like them. In fact rare is the time when everything works in perfect alignment and we marvel in amazement when it does.


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