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watershed

Up until the time I accepted myself for who I was, my life before that seems in retrospect to have been an attempt at avoidance at any cost.

I distracted myself with activities and caved in to crossdressing just enough to relieve the pressure on my psyche. All to no avail. The best analogy I can think of is putting your finger in the hole of the dyke in hopes all that water behind it doesn't break through.

It did of course.

Now I look back to realize that everything transpired the way it did for a reason. I had so much to undo and so many misconceptions to dispel that my journey back was going to be a little tougher than most.

I didn't give myself an inch of wiggle room to breathe and I was slowly being stifled by my own intransigence. The only way I was going to come around was in a watershed moment of realization where you say "I can't live like this anymore".

I think that it's true that we learn to live life as we move within it. The cockiness of youth morphs into a slow realization that there is a rhythm to follow and that we need to cut ourselves and others some slack.

Our parents do their best but in the end you are responsible for your own journey and where it takes you.

Those watershed moments can be saving graces even if at the time the force of the dam breach threatens to overwhelm.


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